ready to comply

[semi_stable]

[cw: descriptions of a panic attack, mentions of PTSD]


Things have been going very well for Bucky as of late, so it's no real surprise when he's suddenly knocked on his ass again. That's how it goes, after all. That's his story. That's how it always goes.

This time, all he's doing is walking down the street. He's smiling, almost even laughing, sipping at an iced coffee. He's talking with a friend, gesturing with his prosthetic hand, ungloved and visible to anyone who looks at him, and anyone who did wouldn't even be able to tell how broken he is.

Because he is broken. He always will be in some way or another. His brain was taken apart and put back together over and over again, scrambled and reformed, and he'll never be healed from that, not completely. Not to mention all the trauma and abuse, decades of it, and he can have a few good months but he'll never be totally free.

This is proven to him as he's walking past some sort of street fair out in front of his building. It's noisy, with people milling about and several different radios tuned to different stations drowning each other out. They suddenly all go quiet, music and talking replaced with an eerie, quiet static.

Longing.

The word makes Bucky go still, face draining of color. It's a low, commanding male voice speaking in Russian, and Bucky feels a little like he might throw up.

Rusted.

It's coming from every radio, even one from a car passing by, windows rolled down to take advantage of the nice day. It's coming from everywhere and Bucky's coffee falls from his hand, plastic cracking as it breaks against the pavement. "No."

Furnace.

"No, no, no, please," Bucky pleads in Russian, reaching up to put his hands over his ears. It's so unexpected to hear his trigger words that he forgets for a moment that he's supposed to have been cured of them, rewired during his time in Wakanda. But then he remembers, and it doesn't help. Whoever is behind this place has proven how powerful they are, and who's to say that they didn't undo that, too?

Daybreak.

It's getting louder now, more forceful, and Bucky lets out a panicked shout as he stumbles backwards, breathing heavily and shaking his head. He's flooded so suddenly with adrenaline, like ice water being dumped over his head, and he can hear his heart beating. Air gets stuck in his chest and he can't breathe, and while he recognizes the signs of a panic attack, he can't seem to make it stop. He's too terrified of what might be about to happen to do anything but panic.

Seventeen.

"No, no, not again," he chokes out, turning to run into the lobby of his building to try and get away from it, only to find that they're playing in there too, pumping tinnily out of a speaker in the corner. He chokes out a sob and sinks to the floor, pushing himself back into a corner and covering his ears. Someone follows after him and Bucky holds out his hand. "Stop! Stay back."

Benign.

There are four more. Only four more words until Bucky finds out of the switch in his brain will be flipped, if he'll climb to his feet and stand at attention. Four more words until this city finds out if the Winter Soldier is ready to comply.





[Help him. Have your pup be the person he was walking with and/or the one who finds him in the lobby. Despite his fears, the trigger words will not do anything because he's still cured, but he's still going through one hell of a PTSD episode.]

Comments

[semi_stable]

It feels sort of insanely indulgent, like the type of thing that he never would have had time for at any other point in his life. The addition of the cream makes it seem even more like a treat, and Bucky lets out a low groan as Loki’s strong hands move along the wings of his shoulders.

The question makes his cock twitch for some reason. Maybe it’s because of Loki’s low voice and alluring accent, so close to Bucky’s ear that he can feel the slight rumble of it. He can’t be sure.

“I don’t think so,” he replies in a low drawl, humming as he rocks his hips down against the mattress without even realizing that he’s done it. “But you’ve done a lot of things to me that no one else has.”

[thewrongpath]

"Hm, I suppose I have," Loki hummed thoughtfully, smiling against the wing of Bucky's shoulder blade, before shifting down lower.

His hands worked at the small of Bucky's back, kneading at the loosening tension there, before moving down to the swell of Bucky's ass, which he gave the same methodical attention. He'd noticed the shift of Bucky's hips against the mattress, but said nothing of it, a smirk curling his lips as he kissed the slope of his back, and lower still, his lips grazing Bucky's tailbone as he spread his cheeks apart, a slick thumb brushing very briefly over his hole.

Then, he'd moved on once again, focusing his attention on the strong muscles of Bucky's thighs.

[semi_stable]

In some ways, this is one of the more intimate things that they've done together, Bucky thinks. Sex is up there but there's something special about this. Loki is taking the time to learn his body on a deeper level-- where he's tense, where he carries his pain. His weak spots. Loki could crush him right now and Bucky would never see it coming. It's such a dangerous place to be, theoretically.

But this is the most relaxed that Bucky has ever been in a very long time. There is no part of him that is on guard. He's pliant and trusting, completely at Loki's mercy, and he feels entirely safe.

"What, that spot not tight enough for ya?" He murmurs in a Brooklyn drawl, shifting his hips again after Loki's brief tease. Then he moans, but it's because Loki's hands dig into his hamstring and it's painful and orgasmic all at the same time.

[thewrongpath]

"Oh, that comes later," Loki assured him, working the heel of his hand into the tight knot of muscle at the back of Bucky's thigh, mirroring the times he'd gotten similar treatment by the palace masseuse. He wasn't a professional, but he had good hands, and could fake just about anything.

He gave the other thigh the same attention, kissing the backs of Bucky's knees. Bending Bucky's left leg, he let the front of Bucky's shin rest against his chest, foot against his shoulder as Loki worked at his calf. Grinning, he kissed the inside of his ankle, nipping playfully at his heel as he took his foot in hand and firmly along the arch. Then, he moved to the next leg and did the same.

[semi_stable]

It goes on for a long time, and Bucky realizes that it's another first for Loki. No one has ever spent so much time so focused on him, at least not in any positive way. Another time, he might resist being at the center of attention for such an extended period, shying away from it because it made him feel too exposed.

Right now, he relishes in it. He lets himself be rubbed down by a royal with the powers of a god. This is his life now, apparently, as crazy as it is.

Loki rubs out the knots in his calves and Bucky thinks that he might cry because it feels so good, and it's so kind.

"I hadn't already told you that I love you," he gets out with a low chuckle, rocking his hips down against what's becoming a consider wet spot, "I would have done it now."

[thewrongpath]

"So, say it then," Loki teased, dropping his foot to the bed and crawling back up his body, nipping playfully at his ass cheek, and then spreading them with his palms once again.

"Shall I roll you over and take care of that cock you've been rutting against the sheets, or is this what you want?" He asked, blowing out a warm breath across Bucky's puckered hole.

[semi_stable]

"Okay, I love you," Bucky says over his shoulder, as if he's just indulging him, but the words do give him a thrill. They feel foreign on his tongue, more so than any of the languages he speaks. Strange, but good.

The question makes him flush and he chuckles, turning to bury his face in the pillow for a moment. It's a good question, but the flutter of air against his slick hole decides it for him. Instead of answering, he spreads his thighs a little and arches his hips, tipping his ass up slightly in invitation.

[thewrongpath]

"Yeah, of course you do," Loki said, playfully smug, though his eyes spoke the truth of what it meant to hear those words, and how deeply they were reciprocated.

Loki caught the flush on Bucky's cheeks before he managed to hide it, letting out a chuckle of his own when Bucky's hips tipped up invitingly.

Humming with approval, Loki spread him open and swiped at him with his tongue, lightly at first, the tip circling that tight furl of muscle. He'd been methodical, thorough in working his hands over Bucky's body, and would put the same effort into this.

[semi_stable]

It isn't the first time that Loki has done this to him, but he doesn't think that he'll ever get used to how it feels. It's filthy, but in a way that makes his toes curl and his breath catch in his throat, arousal burning along his spine.

Loki moves slowly, thoroughly, just like he had with Bucky's muscles and he lets out a low groan and then a stuttering breath, squirming a little against the sheets. He's desperately hard and there's an unfamiliar ache in him that takes a long moment for him to put a name to.

"Are you gonna fuck me?" He asks in a low, almost drowsy sort of voice. There's only been that first time, but Bucky would be lying if he said he hadn't thought about it every day since. That's when he realizes what the ache in him is: the desire to be full.

[thewrongpath]

Drawing back, Loki murmured, "Yes, I think I will."

It hadn't been his plan, insomuch that Loki ever really made plans. Bucky had asked to be touched, and that was what Loki had given him, but now, that question in that soft, raspy voice... How could he possibly want anything else?

He spent a bit more time working him open, with both his tongue and his hands, until Bucky was squirming with need.

[semi_stable]

The low timbre of Loki's voice makes him shiver and he clutches at the pillow with one arm, stretching his metal arm out to curl his fingers around one of the slats in the headboard. Loki is relentless, licking Bucky open until his thighs are trembling from how aroused he is.

"C'mon, I'm ready," Bucky pants out, and he would laugh at how quickly he's found himself here, on his belly with his ass in the air, but he doesn't care. He wants it too badly and he feels almost drugged from endorphins and dopamine, unfurled as his body finally seems to relax.

It won't last. It can't last, not with who he is, but he wants to take advantage of it while it does.

[thewrongpath]

Pulling back after one last indulgent lick, Loki crawled up Bucky's body, his jeans shed and his cock slicked with only a simple bit of magic.

Stretching out on his side, Loki urged Bucky onto his, murmuring, "Like this," as he bent one of Bucky's knees and spooned up against his back. Breathing in the nape of Bucky's neck, Loki steadied a hand at Bucky's hip, nudging at him with the head of his cock before pressing slowly, steadily forward.

[semi_stable]

Loki tugs at Bucky’s shoulder, rolling him back onto his side, and he goes with a soft grunt, leaning back against Loki and reaching back to put his hand on the side of Loki’s face. His breath is warm and intimate against Bucky’s neck and he lifts his leg to hook it back over Loki’s hip, marveling at the intimacy of the position.

And then Loki is pressing into him, sinking into his body and taking up space, and Bucky lets out a long, low groan as he tips his head back against Loki’s shoulder. He’s so relaxed that there is no burn at all, no pinch, just a maddeningly good stretch that makes him shiver all over.

“Loki,” he breathes out, sliding his hand back further until he can bury it in Loki’s hair, rocking back against him and gasping softly once he bottoms out. “Fuck, that’s good.”

[thewrongpath]

Slipping an arm beneath him and wrapping it around his torso, Loki pulled him close, lips against Bucky's cheek.

"We're only just getting started," he murmured, gripping his hip, the two of them settling into an almost lazy, rolling rhythm. Like this, Loki was free to touch him, gripping Bucky's thigh, splaying a hand low on his belly, fingers curling around Bucky's cock. Leaning over his shoulder, Loki found his lips, licking his way past them, groaning low in his throat.

[semi_stable]

“Oh, God,” he chuckles out at the comment, but he sounds fond and happy, voice a low purr as he settles his other hand on the arm tucked beneath him. Bucky really isn’t going much of the work, too far gone to do much at the moment but relax and let himself be fucked.

On most occasions, they crash their bodies together forcefully, overwhelmed by desire and passion for one another. This is so different, but no less passionate. It’s just pulled from a different well, and it’s slow and languid and wonderful. Bucky hasn’t ever experienced anything like it, and he whimpers a little when Loki grips his cock. It feels like he’s been hard for so long and that pressure sort of knocks the air out of him.

He breathes in deep just in time for Loki to turn his head and kiss him, neck stretched as he twists back a little to open his mouth for Loki’s questing tongue. Bucky remembers where that tongue has just been and he shivers, cock twitching a little in Loki’s grip.

Loki is holding onto him almost possessively and a small part of Bucky’s mind wants to rebel against it until he realizes that no, it isn’t possessively. It’s protectively, and Bucky whimpers again as his heart seems to stutter in his chest.

[thewrongpath]

"Oh, would you rather we hurry things along?" He teased, giving Bucky's cock a squeeze and thrusting in harder, sharper, just once before returning to that slow, languid, maddening rhythm. He held Bucky so close that he thought he could feel the pounding of his heartbeat against his chest, their bodies touching from mouths all the way down to their tangled feet.

"You're so beautiful," Loki murmured, pulling back just enough to catch Bucky's eyes, lips grazing his brow.

[semi_stable]

That quick thrust makes Bucky’s breath catch, teeth bared as he hisses air through them. It feels good, absurdly good, but he’s still relieved when Loki slows back down. Right now, he wants it slow, wants to feel every inch as Loki fucks him, making himself at home in Bucky’s body.

He never realized just how intimate it would feel, or how much he would ache for it, and he takes a moment to spare a wistful thought for those men he fucked who would turn their back to him, a stranger, and let him inside their bodies. He knows that he wouldn’t be able to do that with just anyone, perhaps not even anyone else, and he hopes that he gave them what they needed.

The compliment distracts him from his thoughts and Bucky shivers, looking up at Loki helplessly as he bites his bottom lip, eyes closing at that tender kiss.

“Sometimes it doesn’t feel real,” he admits, only because he’s so relaxed and Loki can’t see his eyes. “That I get to have you.”

[thewrongpath]

"This has been a very long fever dream for both of us then," Loki murmured, lifting a hand to Bucky's face, fingers settling gently along the curve of his jaw.

Everything since being plucked from the timeline and tossed into a TVA jumpsuit had felt a bit like a dream— first a nightmare, and then something else all together different.

Of course, that wasn't to say that Darrow was a paradise, by any means, but he'd found happiness there, beyond what he'd ever thought possible.

[semi_stable]

"Then let it never end," he says airily, staring up at Loki's face, close enough to see the freckles on his lips as his mouth goes slack with pleasure. He reaches back to grab at Loki's hip, his ass, squeezing as he rocks back against Loki's cock, twisted at the waist.

His metal arm rests over Loki's where it's wrapped around his chest, not restraining him but simply holding on, and Bucky lets out a ragged moan when Loki's cock nudges his prostate. His own cock is still untouched, painfully hard and drooling onto the sheets, and he wonders idly if he could come just from this-- Loki building the pleasure within his body more and more until there's just no more room for it all.

"Right there," Bucky gasps out, shifting his leg until the back of his knee is hooked over Loki's thigh.

[thewrongpath]

"Right there?" Loki asked, gripping Bucky's hip and driving his hips forward in that angle, striking Bucky's prostate with firm, measure strokes. Bucky's cock was largely untouched, but Loki put it off just a bit longer, glancing with a smirk down at where it stood flushed read and leaking from between his legs.

"Look at you," he marveled, fucking him and touching him with a sort of reverence. "You could come for me just like this, couldn't you?"

[semi_stable]

Bucky should be annoyed at the smugness in Loki's tone, but there's something in it like awe, clear enough for even Bucky to recognize it, and it just makes him let out a low groan against Loki's jaw. Somehow, Loki has already figured out his body in ways that Bucky never has himself and if he wants to exploit that knowledge, Bucky can't bring himself to stop him.

"I honestly don't know," he pants out, twisting to face forward again and lifting his hand from Loki's hip to rest it on the bed in front of him instead, bracing himself on his elbow as he rocks back to meet each of Loki's perfectly calculated thrusts, hair spilling over his forehead. "I've felt close since we started."

[thewrongpath]

Loki braced a foot on the mattress, propping himself up on his elbow to give himself better leverage. They were both panting now, some of the languidness of the moment giving way to the animal desire for release.

"Let's see, shall we?" He asked, increasing the speed, the force of his hips, while maintaining that steady control. "Tell me what you want."

[semi_stable]

"Fuck, I don't know," he gasps, crying out when Loki thrusts into him a little faster, a little harder, jolting his prostate each time. He wants to come so badly, but another part of him wants to linger in this euphoric blankness, where nothing matters but this.

His cock is aching, toes curling, but he feels connected to his body in a way that he hasn't for a long time after Loki's very thorough attention, and he has to wonder if it's possible, and what it would feel like if it were. Under normal circumstances, never, but these might be just the right circumstances.

"Keep going," he pants out, shifting again until the backs of his shoulders are nearly touching the bed and he's twisted at the waist, leg tossed over Loki's thigh. He stares up Loki and moans again, reaching up to put his hand on the side of Loki's head and giving him an almost challenging smile. "Let's see if you can."

[thewrongpath]

"You think you're going to tire me out?" Loki said with a wolfish grin, gripping the top of Bucky's thigh for leverage and dragging him back down onto every thrust.

With a hand in Bucky's hair, the longer strands threaded between his fingers, Loki held his gaze, meeting that challenging smile head on.

"I think I'd like to see you ride me, next time. What do you think of that?"

[semi_stable]

"I dunno, I kinda feel like I can just stay right here forever," Bucky quips in response, just to goad him on, but it's a little true. If he had to pick a moment to stay suspended in always, he could do a lot worse than this.

Loki's words make his eyes widen a bit and then he has to tip his head back, moaning through gritted teeth and curling his toes. He's so close, right there on the edge, and it's almost torture to be held there. One touch to his cock would end it all, but he feels like they've come too far. They can't quit now.

"I bet you would like that," Bucky gasps out like there's no chance of it, despite the very high odds that he will. It's another thing he's never done, and for a moment he imagines sitting on Loki's cock, speared in place. It makes him shiver, thighs trembling as his balls draw up tight.

"I'm so close." He pants the words out and swallows hard, chest heaving as he stares up at Loki's face. "Talk to me."