ready to comply

[semi_stable]

[cw: descriptions of a panic attack, mentions of PTSD]


Things have been going very well for Bucky as of late, so it's no real surprise when he's suddenly knocked on his ass again. That's how it goes, after all. That's his story. That's how it always goes.

This time, all he's doing is walking down the street. He's smiling, almost even laughing, sipping at an iced coffee. He's talking with a friend, gesturing with his prosthetic hand, ungloved and visible to anyone who looks at him, and anyone who did wouldn't even be able to tell how broken he is.

Because he is broken. He always will be in some way or another. His brain was taken apart and put back together over and over again, scrambled and reformed, and he'll never be healed from that, not completely. Not to mention all the trauma and abuse, decades of it, and he can have a few good months but he'll never be totally free.

This is proven to him as he's walking past some sort of street fair out in front of his building. It's noisy, with people milling about and several different radios tuned to different stations drowning each other out. They suddenly all go quiet, music and talking replaced with an eerie, quiet static.

Longing.

The word makes Bucky go still, face draining of color. It's a low, commanding male voice speaking in Russian, and Bucky feels a little like he might throw up.

Rusted.

It's coming from every radio, even one from a car passing by, windows rolled down to take advantage of the nice day. It's coming from everywhere and Bucky's coffee falls from his hand, plastic cracking as it breaks against the pavement. "No."

Furnace.

"No, no, no, please," Bucky pleads in Russian, reaching up to put his hands over his ears. It's so unexpected to hear his trigger words that he forgets for a moment that he's supposed to have been cured of them, rewired during his time in Wakanda. But then he remembers, and it doesn't help. Whoever is behind this place has proven how powerful they are, and who's to say that they didn't undo that, too?

Daybreak.

It's getting louder now, more forceful, and Bucky lets out a panicked shout as he stumbles backwards, breathing heavily and shaking his head. He's flooded so suddenly with adrenaline, like ice water being dumped over his head, and he can hear his heart beating. Air gets stuck in his chest and he can't breathe, and while he recognizes the signs of a panic attack, he can't seem to make it stop. He's too terrified of what might be about to happen to do anything but panic.

Seventeen.

"No, no, not again," he chokes out, turning to run into the lobby of his building to try and get away from it, only to find that they're playing in there too, pumping tinnily out of a speaker in the corner. He chokes out a sob and sinks to the floor, pushing himself back into a corner and covering his ears. Someone follows after him and Bucky holds out his hand. "Stop! Stay back."

Benign.

There are four more. Only four more words until Bucky finds out of the switch in his brain will be flipped, if he'll climb to his feet and stand at attention. Four more words until this city finds out if the Winter Soldier is ready to comply.





[Help him. Have your pup be the person he was walking with and/or the one who finds him in the lobby. Despite his fears, the trigger words will not do anything because he's still cured, but he's still going through one hell of a PTSD episode.]

Comments

[semi_stable]

"Then let it never end," he says airily, staring up at Loki's face, close enough to see the freckles on his lips as his mouth goes slack with pleasure. He reaches back to grab at Loki's hip, his ass, squeezing as he rocks back against Loki's cock, twisted at the waist.

His metal arm rests over Loki's where it's wrapped around his chest, not restraining him but simply holding on, and Bucky lets out a ragged moan when Loki's cock nudges his prostate. His own cock is still untouched, painfully hard and drooling onto the sheets, and he wonders idly if he could come just from this-- Loki building the pleasure within his body more and more until there's just no more room for it all.

"Right there," Bucky gasps out, shifting his leg until the back of his knee is hooked over Loki's thigh.

[thewrongpath]

"Right there?" Loki asked, gripping Bucky's hip and driving his hips forward in that angle, striking Bucky's prostate with firm, measure strokes. Bucky's cock was largely untouched, but Loki put it off just a bit longer, glancing with a smirk down at where it stood flushed read and leaking from between his legs.

"Look at you," he marveled, fucking him and touching him with a sort of reverence. "You could come for me just like this, couldn't you?"

[semi_stable]

Bucky should be annoyed at the smugness in Loki's tone, but there's something in it like awe, clear enough for even Bucky to recognize it, and it just makes him let out a low groan against Loki's jaw. Somehow, Loki has already figured out his body in ways that Bucky never has himself and if he wants to exploit that knowledge, Bucky can't bring himself to stop him.

"I honestly don't know," he pants out, twisting to face forward again and lifting his hand from Loki's hip to rest it on the bed in front of him instead, bracing himself on his elbow as he rocks back to meet each of Loki's perfectly calculated thrusts, hair spilling over his forehead. "I've felt close since we started."

[thewrongpath]

Loki braced a foot on the mattress, propping himself up on his elbow to give himself better leverage. They were both panting now, some of the languidness of the moment giving way to the animal desire for release.

"Let's see, shall we?" He asked, increasing the speed, the force of his hips, while maintaining that steady control. "Tell me what you want."

[semi_stable]

"Fuck, I don't know," he gasps, crying out when Loki thrusts into him a little faster, a little harder, jolting his prostate each time. He wants to come so badly, but another part of him wants to linger in this euphoric blankness, where nothing matters but this.

His cock is aching, toes curling, but he feels connected to his body in a way that he hasn't for a long time after Loki's very thorough attention, and he has to wonder if it's possible, and what it would feel like if it were. Under normal circumstances, never, but these might be just the right circumstances.

"Keep going," he pants out, shifting again until the backs of his shoulders are nearly touching the bed and he's twisted at the waist, leg tossed over Loki's thigh. He stares up Loki and moans again, reaching up to put his hand on the side of Loki's head and giving him an almost challenging smile. "Let's see if you can."

[thewrongpath]

"You think you're going to tire me out?" Loki said with a wolfish grin, gripping the top of Bucky's thigh for leverage and dragging him back down onto every thrust.

With a hand in Bucky's hair, the longer strands threaded between his fingers, Loki held his gaze, meeting that challenging smile head on.

"I think I'd like to see you ride me, next time. What do you think of that?"

[semi_stable]

"I dunno, I kinda feel like I can just stay right here forever," Bucky quips in response, just to goad him on, but it's a little true. If he had to pick a moment to stay suspended in always, he could do a lot worse than this.

Loki's words make his eyes widen a bit and then he has to tip his head back, moaning through gritted teeth and curling his toes. He's so close, right there on the edge, and it's almost torture to be held there. One touch to his cock would end it all, but he feels like they've come too far. They can't quit now.

"I bet you would like that," Bucky gasps out like there's no chance of it, despite the very high odds that he will. It's another thing he's never done, and for a moment he imagines sitting on Loki's cock, speared in place. It makes him shiver, thighs trembling as his balls draw up tight.

"I'm so close." He pants the words out and swallows hard, chest heaving as he stares up at Loki's face. "Talk to me."

[thewrongpath]

"Oh, darling, I'd love it," Loki teased, pounding into him now, harder than he'd ever dared that last time they'd done this. Go slow, Bucky's asked. Be careful with me, he'd meant, and Loki had been blindsided by the trust Bucky had bestowed upon him, for no reason at all. "To watch you chase your own orgasm while you fuck yourself on my cock. Minimal work for me and a spectacular view. What's not to love?"

Loki palmed the side of his face, tipping it towards him, catching Bucky's eyes. "I love you," he murmured, and perhaps he'd timed it just so, or perhaps he said it simply because he meant it quite desperately and couldn't seem to stop himself. Most likely, both were true.

[semi_stable]

Bucky truly is enamored with Loki's voice, as much as he'd hate to admit it and give him ammunition, and he can't help but to stare dazedly up at him as he speaks in a low, almost growling tone. It sounds so sexy, what he's describing, and that paired with the quick, hard thrusts have Bucky right there, balancing on a knife's edge, and he has to grab at Loki's help to keep from touching himself.

It had started out so slow, almost lazy, but it's grown to a fever pitch and for a moment, Bucky thinks that it'll be too much, and he won't be able to do it, but then something breaks. He can't be sure if it was the words, or maybe the combination of that and the intense eye contact just as Loki's cock slams into his prostate again, but Bucky's orgasm takes him in a rush, stars bursting behind his eyes as he comes with a loud shout and a violent jerk, shooting across his stomach and chest in thick ropes.

"Loki, fuck, fuck," he grits out, clutching at Loki's hip hard enough to maybe bruise even him.

[thewrongpath]

"There we are," Loki breathed, equal parts prideful and awestruck, grinding in deep and finally wrapping a fist around Bucky's cock to milk the last of his orgasm from him. It was, undoubtedly, one of the most beautiful things he'd ever seen, Bucky's head thrown back, his body shaking violently and come splattering across his chest.

His own orgasm teetering on the edge, Loki had all but stopped to watch it happen, his eyes wide as some of the smugness drained away. In his experience, an orgasm like that could be a bit unmooring, and he waited, uncertain if he should finish where he was, or give Bucky a bit of room to breathe.

[semi_stable]

Bucky's never really been loud during sex. Sure, he could be vocal at times, but never really loud. Now, when Loki's strong hand wraps around his cock, Bucky lets out a loud, guttural sort of cry that he might be embarrassed by if he weren't so out of his mind with pleasure.

It seems to go on and on and he lets out a shuddering breath as he finally seems to go limp. It's only then that he realizes that Loki hasn't come yet. He isn't really moving at all and Bucky looks up at him, brow knitting a little as his chest heaves, and then he realizes that he seems to be waiting for some sort of cue.

"I want you to come inside me," he pants out, reaching down to grip Loki's wrist and tug his hand gently away from Bucky's cock. He's almost too oversensitive, but he wants to feel Loki's orgasm, wants to feel marked by him in that way again. "I want it in me, but then pull out, okay?"

[thewrongpath]

The sound Loki made was uncharacteristically incoherent— a string of sounds that could only be described as a word in the most liberal of ways. He, too, might have been embarrassed, were this any other circumstance, with any other person, save for one. It seemed that he had much fewer limits when it came to both Bucky and Sylvie, and of course, the two of them knew it.

Obediently moving his hand from Bucky's cock to his hip, Loki began moving in him again. While he didn't reclaim the bruising rhythm of before, Loki fucked him firmly, methodically, drawing out his own orgasm as efficiently as possible. His eyes never left Bucky's face, and Loki came with a ragged breath, murmuring Bucky's name as he bent over him, their foreheads almost touching.

He allowed himself a heartbeat, and another, then carefully extracted himself, collapsing at Bucky's side with a whoosh of breath.

[semi_stable]

The snap of Loki's hips starts up again and it's almost too much with how sensitive he suddenly is, trembling minutely under Loki's hands, but he clenches his teeth and looks up at Loki, reaching up to cradle his face in his metal hand.

They stare at each other, direct eye contact in a moment so intimate and intense, and Bucky's lashes flutter but he doesn't look away, even when Loki comes and his eyes go big and wide and he says Bucky's name in a tone so reverent that he feels for a moment like he could cry. Bucky's whimpers, breath hitching as Loki's cock throbs inside of him, and then he lets out a shuddering sigh as Loki pulls out.

For a moment, Bucky feels too overwhelmed to be touched. He just needs a second to catch his breath, so he rolls over onto his side, facing away from Loki not because he doesn't want to see him, but he needs to just close his eyes and breathe, center himself again as he comes back down to earth.

After a few moments, once he feels as if he's gotten a grip on himself, he rolls onto his back next to Loki, resting the back of his hand against Loki's sweaty stomach as he stares up at the ceiling, too stunned to speak.

[thewrongpath]

While his orgasm was perhaps not quite as intense, there was something tectonic about the way the world seemed to have shifted around him. It wasn't just this moment, of course. The entire night seemed to have changed something for both of them.

He thought of the possibility that, somewhere, the TVA was scrambling with another Nexus Event, and nearly laughed.

Loki turned, angling his body towards Bucky, his hand grasping the one resting against his belly. "Are you alright?" He murmured, with a vulnerability reserved for exactly two people in this universe, or any other.

[semi_stable]

For a few minutes, Bucky's mind is a hazy sort of blur, blissfully blank, and his whole body feels like it's buzzing. It's quiet and peaceful and there's no pain, no regret, no panic. There is absolutely nothing to worry about and Bucky deflates with an exhale, eyes closed as he lingers in the sensation.

Eventually Loki's voice filters through the gauze and Bucky lifts his brows a little, eyes still closed as he nods. Loki takes his hand and Bucky smiles a little, eyelids fluttering open as he turns his head to look at his face.

"I just feel really good," he admits quietly, threading their fingers together and slowly tugging Loki's hand over to his own stomach, still wet with come and sweat. "Like that time I tried reefer at Coney Island but better."

[thewrongpath]

Loki laughed heartily at that, curling closer and pressing a warm kiss to Bucky's brow.

"I haven't a clue what or where that is, but I'll take that as a compliment."

It was still early evening and they'd yet to have dinner, but as they settled on tangled together, messy with sweat and each other's come, Loki was so relaxed and content that he felt he could've slept straight through 'til morning.

[semi_stable]

"Yeah?" Bucky laughs at that, tipping his head against Loki's mouth when he feels that gentle kiss, voice low and fond. "Didn't even do a tour of the boroughs before you tried to call dibs on New York, huh?"

It probably isn't something that he should joke about, but they both seem to have a darker sense of humor, especially when it comes to the things they've done. Maybe it would be easier to just pretend it never happened, but he doesn't want to. He hasn't forgotten, and he's here anyway.

"It's a amusement park in Brooklyn, where I'm from," he explains, voice a little strained as he stretches out his legs and arches his back, settling back down with an exhale. "And reefer's a plant that gets you high."

[thewrongpath]

"To be fair, I was in a bit of a rush," Loki admitted, recalling his shadowed meetings with The Other, who seemed to have run out of patience before they'd even gotten started.

"Hm," Loki murmured, hiding an amused smile when Bucky reminded him of where he was from, yet again, as if Loki might've forgotten. "Perhaps you'll introduce me to both, some day."

[semi_stable]

"Wish I could," Bucky says regretfully, reaching for Loki's hand and settling it against his chest, thumbing at the knob of his wrist bone before sliding his fingers slowly up his forearm. "Even if we got out of here, the Coney Island I loved is gone."

After his pardon, they'd set him up with a place in Brooklyn, probably assuming that he'd want to be the only place he ever called home. It was a nice sentiment, but coming back to Brooklyn after all that time was heartbreaking in ways that he hadn't really prepared himself for. It was first time in the city without Steve, without any of his family, and it all looked so different. It was a lot for his already shaky memories to deal with, especially when he went to the street corner where he grew up and found a Starbucks instead of his building.

"It's all been gentrified like the rest of Brooklyn," he sighs out, curling his fingers around Loki's elbow. "A lot changes when you're kept away from a place for eighty years."

[thewrongpath]

"That's assuming time is always linear, and I have plenty of evidence to the contrary," Loki pointed out, drawing small circles on Bucky's chest with the tips of his fingers.

"It seems people assume we'll end up right back where we started, but I'm not so sure of that."

Loki listened to Bucky continue on, complaining about how things had changed around him, like every other old man in the universe.

"You could probably be away from Asgard for a hundred years, and it would be exactly as you'd left it. Or perhaps not, as it's in ruins now. I hear they've relocated our people to Norway."

[semi_stable]

"I suppose that's true, even without the time stone," Bucky muses, humming as Loki's fingertips drag along his skin in a pattern that only seemed to make sense to him. His gaze lifts to Loki's face at the mention of Asgard's destruction, and Bucky's hand slides up to loosely grip his shoulder.

"New Asgard," Bucky tells him, nodding a little and sliding his hand to the side of Loki's neck. "I watched something about it on the news. What did they name it?"

His brow burrows and he tries to think through the pleasurable fog still clouding his brain. "Tønsberg. It seemed nice. I would live there."

[thewrongpath]

"It seems I was on my way there, when Thanos boarded our ship," Loki murmured thoughtfully, "Or, so say the files at the TVA. I can't imagine anyone on Earth would've been happy to see me."

But his brother, idiot that he was, would've had faith in their ability to forgive, even for the most undeserved of penitents.

[semi_stable]

"It's strange to think that we were killed by the same man," Bucky says plainly, brow furrowing as he looks at up Loki. Or maybe it isn't strange it all, considering half the people in the universe, or at least their universe, can say the same. "At least I got to come back."

The thought of Loki being dead sends a flash of panic through him and he curls his fingers around the back of Loki's neck, pulling him in closer.

"I guess it's a good thing that we're here instead," he murmurs, leaning in to press a kiss under Loki's eye and letting out a ragged breath. "Because I kinda need you alive."

[thewrongpath]

"I suppose that wasn't me. It was the version of me on the sacred timeline, and I assure you, there's nothing sacred about me," Loki said, slipping an arm around Bucky's shoulders, quietly astonished that someone else could be so moved by the possibility of his death.

A god was meant to be served, to be worshiped, and boasting preemptively about the mourners at his funeral came with the territory, but deep down, Loki believed what Sif had told him, all those years ago, and what Mobius later confirmed.

He was destined to be forgotten. A stepping stone to greatness for other, better people.

[semi_stable]

"Fuck the sacred timeline," Bucky says emphatically. All he knows about the TVA is what he's heard from Loki and Sylvie, so obviously he's getting his info through a biased lens, but he still thinks it's bullshit. On the sacred timeline, two people he loves are dead. The sacred timeline left Steve in the ice for seventy years, left Bucky in a frozen cell in Siberia, let half of entire population be wiped away while the other half had to stay and mourn.

"The Avengers messed with time. Why didn't they get pruned?" He pulls his head back to look at Loki. "Steve went back to be with Peggy. They didn't go after him."