ready to comply

[semi_stable]

[cw: descriptions of a panic attack, mentions of PTSD]


Things have been going very well for Bucky as of late, so it's no real surprise when he's suddenly knocked on his ass again. That's how it goes, after all. That's his story. That's how it always goes.

This time, all he's doing is walking down the street. He's smiling, almost even laughing, sipping at an iced coffee. He's talking with a friend, gesturing with his prosthetic hand, ungloved and visible to anyone who looks at him, and anyone who did wouldn't even be able to tell how broken he is.

Because he is broken. He always will be in some way or another. His brain was taken apart and put back together over and over again, scrambled and reformed, and he'll never be healed from that, not completely. Not to mention all the trauma and abuse, decades of it, and he can have a few good months but he'll never be totally free.

This is proven to him as he's walking past some sort of street fair out in front of his building. It's noisy, with people milling about and several different radios tuned to different stations drowning each other out. They suddenly all go quiet, music and talking replaced with an eerie, quiet static.

Longing.

The word makes Bucky go still, face draining of color. It's a low, commanding male voice speaking in Russian, and Bucky feels a little like he might throw up.

Rusted.

It's coming from every radio, even one from a car passing by, windows rolled down to take advantage of the nice day. It's coming from everywhere and Bucky's coffee falls from his hand, plastic cracking as it breaks against the pavement. "No."

Furnace.

"No, no, no, please," Bucky pleads in Russian, reaching up to put his hands over his ears. It's so unexpected to hear his trigger words that he forgets for a moment that he's supposed to have been cured of them, rewired during his time in Wakanda. But then he remembers, and it doesn't help. Whoever is behind this place has proven how powerful they are, and who's to say that they didn't undo that, too?

Daybreak.

It's getting louder now, more forceful, and Bucky lets out a panicked shout as he stumbles backwards, breathing heavily and shaking his head. He's flooded so suddenly with adrenaline, like ice water being dumped over his head, and he can hear his heart beating. Air gets stuck in his chest and he can't breathe, and while he recognizes the signs of a panic attack, he can't seem to make it stop. He's too terrified of what might be about to happen to do anything but panic.

Seventeen.

"No, no, not again," he chokes out, turning to run into the lobby of his building to try and get away from it, only to find that they're playing in there too, pumping tinnily out of a speaker in the corner. He chokes out a sob and sinks to the floor, pushing himself back into a corner and covering his ears. Someone follows after him and Bucky holds out his hand. "Stop! Stay back."

Benign.

There are four more. Only four more words until Bucky finds out of the switch in his brain will be flipped, if he'll climb to his feet and stand at attention. Four more words until this city finds out if the Winter Soldier is ready to comply.





[Help him. Have your pup be the person he was walking with and/or the one who finds him in the lobby. Despite his fears, the trigger words will not do anything because he's still cured, but he's still going through one hell of a PTSD episode.]

Comments

[thewrongpath]

"Oh, are you planning on tiring me out, while we're here? I only meant to sleep," Loki said, barely hiding his amusement.

Bucky's cheeks were charmingly pink, and Loki felt warmth blooming in his chest, and perhaps they wouldn't spend the entire day in bed, but Loki certainly had no pressing desire to hurry out the door.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, a bit more sincerely. Perhaps Bucky preferred to pretend like the previous day hadn't happened, but Loki actually cared to know the truth of how he was.

[semi_stable]

“Oh, you can sleep through it. That’s fine,” Bucky replies, obviously joking. If all Loki really wanted to do was sleep, Bucky would be perfectly fine with that. Silly as it may be, Bucky is happy just to be near him.

The question takes him a little bit by surprise and and he swallows hard, brow furrowing a bit as he nods. It’s nice of Loki to ask, even if Bucky isn’t quite sure what to say.

“I’m okay,” Bucky assures him, pleased to find that it’s true. He reaches over to take Loki’s hand, thumbing at his knuckles. “In part to you, I think. You gave me something else to focus on, and I’m glad.”

He smiles a little and squeezes Loki’s hand before letting go and picking up his coffee, taking a sip before continuing. “I’m actually kind of relieved to know that they still don’t work, even here. So it sucked, but I’m okay. I’m good.”

[thewrongpath]

"I am quite distracting," Loki said, giving Bucky's hand an answering squeeze and a small, rare smile that was reserved for two people alone.

"Good, I'm glad. I know you can't always be, but I do like it when you're okay." He smiled, almost bashful. "Happy's even better, but I'll try not to set the bar too high."

[semi_stable]

"You really are," Bucky admits with a laugh, but he's glad for that. He needs to be distracted sometimes.

Loki smiles at him, and Bucky feels warmth bloom in his chest, because it's so nice to be understood. Loki knows that sometimes he'll have dark moods, knows that they can't all be good days, and he doesn't expect anything different from Bucky. He never expects Bucky to be anything but exactly who he is, someone that's been broken over and over again and is just slowly trying to put the pieces back together. He's patient with Bucky, and so kind in a way that might surprise people.

"I'm okay," Bucky assures him again, smiling a little and then leaning in to give Loki a soft kiss, licking a few grains of sugar from the corner of his mouth. "Right now, I'm even a little happy."

He sits back again and takes a sip from his cup, shrugging casually. "Can't imagine why."

[thewrongpath]

Tongue sweeping out to taste Bucky on his lips, Loki sat back, feigning playful indifference.

"Hm," Loki hummed noncommittally, taking another bite of his pastry and chewing thoughtfully. "Well, these are good, so, perhaps it's that."

He sipped from his rapidly cooling coffee, though the warmth he felt from the simple act of Bucky smiling at him hadn't faded. What a fool he was.

[semi_stable]

“That must be it,” Bucky says dryly, polishing off the rest of his turnover and wiping his sticky fingers with a napkin. He licks a stubborn bit of flaky pastry from the pad of his thumb and then takes another big gulp off coffee before sliding off of the bed. “Give me a second.”

He leaves the room with Bopp trotting after him, and puts the bag on the counter before preparing Bopp’s breakfast, apologizing to her for it being late as if she could actually understand him. She seems to have forgiven him, so Bucky leaves her to her food and grabs two water bottles from the fridge.

He empties half of one on his way back to the bedroom and hands the other to Loki, setting his own on the nightstand before crawling onto the bed on all fours, straddling one of Loki’s thighs as he leans in to kiss him, soft and slow, just because he can.

[thewrongpath]

Arching a brow, Loki polished off his pastry and the rest of his coffee after watching Bucky disappear into the hall. From there, he could hear Bopp's nails clicking excitedly on the kitchen floor, Bucky's murmured apology, and the sound of kibble being poured into a bowl.

Smiling softly, Loki settled against the headboard, setting his empty cup aside, his hands magically cleaned of stickiness and the sheets free from errant crumbs. When Bucky returned, Loki chuckled, lifting a hand to his face and meeting the kiss, his eyes fluttering shut.

"Hm, you taste like apples," he observed in a low murmur, smiling against Bucky's lips.

[semi_stable]

“I assume that’s a good thing,” Bucky replies, chuckling softly and shifting until he’s straddling Loki’s thighs and can sit down in his lap. Being in such a position is still so new, but he finds that he likes it. He spent so much time concerned about things that might make him less manly, but it wasn’t his voice in his head. It was his father, the boys he went to school with, his fellow soldiers.

Even before he was taken captive, he let other people control him for so long, and he’s done with it.

“You should too, then. Let me see,” Bucky says as he lifts his hands to Loki’s cheeks, thumb stroking at the corner of his mouth before he leans in for a kiss. It starts soft and then he deepens it, sliding his tongue along the seam of Loki’s lips until they part and he can lick his way inside, humming when he tastes apples on his tongue, cinnamon and sugar and something uniquely Loki.

“Mm, yep,” he says as he pulls back, making a show of licking his lips. “Delicious.”

[thewrongpath]

Chuckling softly, Loki settled his hands comfortably at Bucky's hips, enjoying his increasingly familiar weight across his thighs.

"Yes, good choice, bringing those instead of bagels and lox," he said, letting his head fall back against the headboard, his eyes watching the path of Bucky's tongue over his lips.

His hands drifted, one settling at the small of Bucky's back, fingertips drifting beneath the hem of his shirt.

[semi_stable]

"I brought bagels and schmear," Bucky says with a laugh, because when he chose not to get lox, the thought o what it would do to their breath didn't occur to him. "If I had brought lox into this apartment, Bopp wouldn't let me know peace."

Loki's hands explore him, touching his thighs, his hips, one going under his shirt, and Bucky curls his shoulders forward, bowing and lifting his arms so Loki can take it off of him, pressing a kiss to the top of Loki's shoulder while he waits.

[thewrongpath]

"She did seem rather interested in the food last night," Loki recalled, eyes bright with amusement as he peeled Bucky's shirt over his head and tossed it carelessly to the floor.

"Hm, I don't think I'll ever tire of this," he murmured, tracing his fingertips down Bucky's chest, grazing a nipple, tracing the curve of his ribs, outlining the divot of his navel.

[semi_stable]

“She’s just like me. Loves to eat,” Bucky jokes as Loki tugs his shirt off. He sits up and reaches up to drag his hands through his hair, pushing it back from his face as Loki touches him.

It’s a bold declaration, especially from someone with such a long lifespan, and Bucky smiles as Loki touches him, teeth pressing into his bottom lip as his nipple stiffens at the brief touch.

“I don’t think I’ll tire of letting you,” Bucky replies softly, smiling and reaching up to link his fingers behind his neck, muscles in his torso and arms flexing slightly as he casually puts himself on display.

[thewrongpath]

"Good. I do enjoy getting what I want," Loki said, his smirk deepening as Bucky showed himself off so thoughtfully.

He traced a fingertip over one bicep, then the other; one flesh and one metal, but both wholly Bucky.

"Did you have a nice walk? It wasn't enough to work up a sweat, I see."

[semi_stable]

“I never would have guessed,” Bucky says with a dry laugh, biting his bottom lip with an amused smirk as he watches Loki’s face while he looks at Bucky. He looks appreciative, and while Bucky knows that he isn’t suffering in the looks department, Loki is staring like he’s something beyond simply handsome.

“It takes a lot for me to work up a sweat,” he admits, and if he happens to lazily rock his hips in Loki’s lap as he says it, it’s just a coincidence. “My walk wasn’t quite vigorous enough.”

[thewrongpath]

"And you're hoping to remedy that?" Loki guessed, huffing a soft laugh as Bucky rocked against him, a hand slipping beneath the elastic waistband of his sweats.

Loki had his fill of beautiful people, throughout the centuries, but there was something uniquely captivating about this man. He was unfairly handsome, yes, but they were both well aware that this went beyond simple attraction.

[semi_stable]

“I’m just stating facts,” Bucky says innocently, chuckling a little as Loki’s hand slides under his waistband, fingers pressing into the swell of his ass. “You’re the one copping a feel.”

It’s clear he doesn’t mind. For someone generally uncomfortable with being touched, he can’t get enough of it from Loki. He craves it, and even now he sways forward as if entranced, even though he knows that Loki would never do that to him.

He lifts his hands to put them on Loki’s shoulders, metal thumb tracing the sharp line of his jaw before his fingers sink into Loki’s soft hair. “But I guess it’s okay.”

[thewrongpath]

"You're the one sitting in my lap, I'm only trying to find a comfortable place to rest my hands," Loki countered playfully, pushing Bucky's waistband lower on his hips, just shy of exposing the base of his cock.

His palm curled along the swell of Bucky's ass, squeezing gently but exploring no further.

[semi_stable]

“Oh, please do excuse me,” Bucky says in a fairly decent imitation of Loki’s accent, letting himself fall backwards to land on his back between Loki’s outstretched legs, knees bent over Loki’s thighs and feet planted into the bed next to his hips.

He stretches his arms over his head, muscles rippling as he looks up at the ceiling with a smirk. With his ass nestled between Loki’s thighs, the position gives him a direct view of Bucky’s crotch, thin fabric stretching over his mostly flaccid cock.

It’s a vulnerable position, but Bucky doesn’t feel vulnerable. He feels a little at peace, a little aroused, but mostly calm, almost playful as he slides his hands along Loki’s shins.

[thewrongpath]

Loki chuckled softly, his hands resting on Bucky's knees, his touch almost casual. With Bucky's body laid out before him, there was almost too much possibility, though Loki had never been one to find himself frozen by indecision.

If he chose something now, he could always have something else later.

So, for the moment, Loki only touched him, his hands sliding further up Bucky's inner thighs, squeezing gently. "I never thought I'd find a man in sweatpants so alluring," he said conversationally, though the creases at the corners of his eyes betrayed his amusement.

[semi_stable]

For as much as Bucky enjoys the way that they sometimes come together in a rush of passion and heat, he's finding that he likes these moments just as much. It's unlike Bucky to lounge in bed, but he's happy to do so when Loki's in it, too. It's lazy and unhurried and there's comfort in that feeling of security, knowing that they don't have to rush. There is do deadline, no doomsday clock, no mission. They can simply be.

"Apparently that's the look these days," Bucky replies, as if he knows anything about modern fashion. He always liked to stay with the trends, but these days it's all a little overwhelming. "I saw a magazine article that said that gray sweatpants are one of the sexiest things a man can wear. If only I'd known it were that simple."

Loki's palms slide at his inner thighs, pressing in against muscles just a little sore from the previous night's activities, and Bucky closes his eyes with an approving hum, spreading his arms out to the side.

[thewrongpath]

"Ah, so you thought you'd don them regularly to torment me, I see," Loki teased, his thumb working into that tight muscle before sliding higher, his hands just shy of framing Bucky's crotch.

"You might be one of the most tactile people I've ever known," he said, watching the other man relax by degrees under his hands, all that strength made deliciously vulnerable.

[semi_stable]

"I just happen to look good in gray and these are comfortably. Merely a coincidence," Bucky drawls out, eyes still closed as he smirks. No, he didn't go buy sweatpants with Loki in mind, but he's glad to the effect they have.

Loki's next words are entirely unexpected and Bucky's eyes open as he jerks his head up, giving Loki a look that's confused and a little surprised.

"Am I?" He asks, muscles in his chest and stomach flexing as he lifts his shoulders to get a better look at his legs sprawled open wide in Loki's lap, like he's that easy. For Loki, maybe he is.


Bucky used to be tactile person, he supposes. He hugged his mother and his sisters, put his arms around his buddies, leaned against Steve, huddled with soldiers in foxholes. But that was a long time ago. "I don't think that's how most people would describe me."

[thewrongpath]

"I'm not most people," Loki pointed out, smirking at the look of bemusement on Bucky's face. "It turns out, I'm very observant. And you, Bucky Barnes, like to be touched."

Moving his hands from the insides of Bucky's thighs, Loki framed his waist, his hands sliding up over his sides and curving along the base of his ribs.

[semi_stable]

"Ain't that the truth," Bucky says dryly, drawing his elbows in and resting his weight on them so he can prop himself up and watch Loki's hands move along his body, because not only does he like to be touched, he apparently likes to watch himself be touched, too.

"Perhaps by a select few," he says with a raised brow, though there's a slight flush on his cheeks. If he's being honest, he can't really think of a time where he's been near Loki in recent months where they hadn't been touching in some way.

"You seem to like touching me," he adds, touching his tongue to the corner of his mouth as he looks up from Loki's hands to his face. "So I guess we're both pretty lucky."

[thewrongpath]

"I suppose it passes the time well enough," Loki teased, his palms gliding over Bucky's chest, over his shoulders, giving the same attention to prosthetic as he did to flesh.

"It seems I was in need of a new hobby." His eyes sparkled with mirth, his hands falling once again to Bucky's hips and tugging him forward until they were pressed flush. They were both only just getting hard, but there was a pleasure in the closeness that went beyond the possibility for sex.