semi_stable | ready to comply

[cw: descriptions of a panic attack, mentions of PTSD]

Things have been going very well for Bucky as of late, so it's no real surprise when he's suddenly knocked on his ass again. That's how it goes, after all. That's his story. That's how it always goes.

This time, all he's doing is walking down the street. He's smiling, almost even laughing, sipping at an iced coffee. He's talking with a friend, gesturing with his prosthetic hand, ungloved and visible to anyone who looks at him, and anyone who did wouldn't even be able to tell how broken he is.

Because he is broken. He always will be in some way or another. His brain was taken apart and put back together over and over again, scrambled and reformed, and he'll never be healed from that, not completely. Not to mention all the trauma and abuse, decades of it, and he can have a few good months but he'll never be totally free.

This is proven to him as he's walking past some sort of street fair out in front of his building. It's noisy, with people milling about and several different radios tuned to different stations drowning each other out. They suddenly all go quiet, music and talking replaced with an eerie, quiet static.

Longing.

The word makes Bucky go still, face draining of color. It's a low, commanding male voice speaking in Russian, and Bucky feels a little like he might throw up.

Rusted.

It's coming from every radio, even one from a car passing by, windows rolled down to take advantage of the nice day. It's coming from everywhere and Bucky's coffee falls from his hand, plastic cracking as it breaks against the pavement. "No."

Furnace.

"No, no, no, please," Bucky pleads in Russian, reaching up to put his hands over his ears. It's so unexpected to hear his trigger words that he forgets for a moment that he's supposed to have been cured of them, rewired during his time in Wakanda. But then he remembers, and it doesn't help. Whoever is behind this place has proven how powerful they are, and who's to say that they didn't undo that, too?

Daybreak.

It's getting louder now, more forceful, and Bucky lets out a panicked shout as he stumbles backwards, breathing heavily and shaking his head. He's flooded so suddenly with adrenaline, like ice water being dumped over his head, and he can hear his heart beating. Air gets stuck in his chest and he can't breathe, and while he recognizes the signs of a panic attack, he can't seem to make it stop. He's too terrified of what might be about to happen to do anything but panic.

Seventeen.

"No, no, not again," he chokes out, turning to run into the lobby of his building to try and get away from it, only to find that they're playing in there too, pumping tinnily out of a speaker in the corner. He chokes out a sob and sinks to the floor, pushing himself back into a corner and covering his ears. Someone follows after him and Bucky holds out his hand. "Stop! Stay back."

Benign.

There are four more. Only four more words until Bucky finds out of the switch in his brain will be flipped, if he'll climb to his feet and stand at attention. Four more words until this city finds out if the Winter Soldier is ready to comply.

[Help him. Have your pup be the person he was walking with and/or the one who finds him in the lobby. Despite his fears, the trigger words will not do anything because he's still cured, but he's still going through one hell of a PTSD episode.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

semi_stable

Bucky nearly protests when Loki makes it so his cock falls from him, but then there's a ripple of green light and he feels Loki's body shifting beneath him, soft curves replaced with muscle and bone, and Bucky lifts his head to look at Loki's face, smiling as he lifts a hand to cradle his cheek.

"Hey, you," Bucky says softly, leaning in to press a lingering kiss to his mouth. When he pulls back, he lets out a quiet chuckle and gives him an almost shy look. "Hell of a good morning."

From:

thewrongpath

"Hello there," Loki returned, petting a hand through Bucky's hair, and smiling against his mouth. "It certainly was."

With a flash of a grin, Loki rolled them over, rising to sit astride the other man's hips, his arms stretching indulgently over his head. He looked smug and satisfied, as if his eyes weren't still a bit glassy, his hairline still damp with tears.

From:

semi_stable

Bucky chuckles and rolls easily when Loki moves them, stretching out on his back and watching as Loki unfurls his long body. The look on his face is irritating and endearing all at the same time, and Bucky sits up to throw his arms around him, pulling him in close.

He kisses the top of Loki's shoulder and is just about to shift to his mouth when there's the click of claws and a demanding yip from the doorway. Bucky groans and twists his head to look at her, nodding and then pressing a hard kiss to Loki's mouth.

"Okay, I need to take care of my duties," he says as he shifts out from underneath Loki, rolling off of the bed and stretching his arms up and out, scrubbing his hands through his hair. "You wanna stick around for a little bit? I can grab us some coffee and bagels."

He knows that Loki will probably have to take off at some point, that he has other things to do, but he isn't ready to say goodbye just yet.

From:

thewrongpath

With a low, muffled chuckle against Bucky's mouth, Loki shifted to the side, turning to watch as Bucky strode naked across the room, stretching deliciously at the foot of the bed.

Eyes bright, he said, "How could I say no to that," and while it was meant to be a tease, it was clear enough that he had no intention of leaving just yet.

"Go," he said, stifling a grin as he leaned back against the pillows, making himself comfortable. "I'll still be here."

From:

semi_stable

The assurance makes Bucky grin with relief and then he turns to pet apologetically at Bopp's head, leaning over to press a kiss to the top of her head. After pulling on some clothes and telling her to go get her leash, Bucky comes over to the bed and leans over to give Loki a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth before rushing down the hall.

He takes Bopp outside, pausing in the lobby to glance over at the corner he cowered in the previous day, blowing out a breath and shaking off the memory as they head out into the sunshine. He tosses a stick around for a bit and instead of thinking about how bad things were the day before, he thinks about Loki telling him that he loves him. He watches Bopp trot toward him and thinks about all the things in Darrow that make him happy.

After the park, he stops by a bakery and gets two coffees and a few assorted pastries. They even have freshly baked biscuits for dogs, so he gets a couple for Bopp, feeding her half of one before they head home, her leash in one hand while he balances the drink holder in his metal hand.

Once they're back in the apartment, Bucky puts her leash away and takes off his shoes and socks, quickly washing his hands before heading back toward the bedroom, where Loki is still waiting.

"Breakfast, your highness," he says as he steps up onto the bed and settles down into a cross-legged position, settling the drink holder and pastry bag in his lap. "As promised."

From:

thewrongpath

While the two of them were gone, Loki took the time to clean himself up a bit, allowing himself to snoop only a bit as he stood in front of the mirror in Bucky's cramped bathroom. Using magic to pick up their clothes scattered across the floor, he put Bucky's in the hamper, and sent his away to be dealt with once he was home.

Smirking, he stole a pair of pajama pants from Bucky's drawer and put them on, and was just getting settled on the bed once again when the two of them finally returned.

"It's about time. I was wasting away," he teased, mirroring the other man's position and reaching across to pluck one of the cups of coffee from the drink holder.

From:

semi_stable

"Oh, is that why you're so skinny?" Bucky jokes with a straight face, brows lifted playfully as he takes a sip from the other cup and then immediately frowns at it. "Wait, no. This one's yours. I got you the pumpkin one."

He reaches out to switch their coffee cups and then sets the drink holder aside, sipping from his own cup as he shakes open the pastry bag, tipping it toward Loki so he can take first pick, even though he's a dirty little thief who won't ever give those sweatpants back.

From:

thewrongpath

"Skinny?" Loki frowned, playfully affronted. He certainly wasn't as brawny as his brother, or even as Bucky, but he wouldn't have called himself skinny.

The coffee was dreadfully sweet and wonderful, and he gave a pleased hum as he took the first sip. In the bag, there were bagels, as promised, but he took a pastry studded in apples and sprinkled with raw sugar.

"Are you trying to fatten me up?"

From:

semi_stable

"Calm down, your highness," Bucky says with a fond laugh, reaching over to slide his good hand up Loki's thigh. "It was a joke."

Loki seems to like the pumpkin latte, so Bucky's glad that he took a chance there. When Loki pulls an apple turnover from the bag, Bucky can't help but to laugh because that's what had caught his wye at the bakery. It's a good thing he got a couple of them.

"Whatever makes you happy, doll," he jokes happily, winking as he takes a large bite of his turnover. Bopp comes over to the bed and gives him the eye, so Bucky sets his coffee cup down carefully between his legs and takes a piece of the dog biscuit out of the bag and hands it over. "As you can see, I live to serve."

From:

thewrongpath

Loki gave Bucky an amused look, having thought it was quite obvious that he was aware of Bucky's tone.

"The good little soldier, as always," he said wryly, his own cup balancing on his knee in a way that might have been precarious for someone without magic. Swallowing his bite and offering Bucky a smirk, he said, "I do wonder how long we could go, leaving this bed only for the essentials."

From:

semi_stable

The comment makes Bucky flush a little, ducking his head to hide a bashful smile as he tears off another piece of the pastry and pops it into his mouth. Before Loki, and then Sylvie, Bucky never really had the occasion to just lounge in bed, starting sex up over and over again.

There were some lazy days spent with women, like in the first few times he had more than a day’s leave while in the service. Those had been nice, but they lacked the intimacy that he’s come to realize that he enjoys so much.

“I’m game to find out if you are,” Bucky tells him with a quiet, happy laugh. “Though I should probably go get us some water first, in that case. Gotta stay hydrated.”

From:

thewrongpath

"Oh, are you planning on tiring me out, while we're here? I only meant to sleep," Loki said, barely hiding his amusement.

Bucky's cheeks were charmingly pink, and Loki felt warmth blooming in his chest, and perhaps they wouldn't spend the entire day in bed, but Loki certainly had no pressing desire to hurry out the door.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, a bit more sincerely. Perhaps Bucky preferred to pretend like the previous day hadn't happened, but Loki actually cared to know the truth of how he was.

From:

semi_stable

“Oh, you can sleep through it. That’s fine,” Bucky replies, obviously joking. If all Loki really wanted to do was sleep, Bucky would be perfectly fine with that. Silly as it may be, Bucky is happy just to be near him.

The question takes him a little bit by surprise and and he swallows hard, brow furrowing a bit as he nods. It’s nice of Loki to ask, even if Bucky isn’t quite sure what to say.

“I’m okay,” Bucky assures him, pleased to find that it’s true. He reaches over to take Loki’s hand, thumbing at his knuckles. “In part to you, I think. You gave me something else to focus on, and I’m glad.”

He smiles a little and squeezes Loki’s hand before letting go and picking up his coffee, taking a sip before continuing. “I’m actually kind of relieved to know that they still don’t work, even here. So it sucked, but I’m okay. I’m good.”

From:

thewrongpath

"I am quite distracting," Loki said, giving Bucky's hand an answering squeeze and a small, rare smile that was reserved for two people alone.

"Good, I'm glad. I know you can't always be, but I do like it when you're okay." He smiled, almost bashful. "Happy's even better, but I'll try not to set the bar too high."

From:

semi_stable

"You really are," Bucky admits with a laugh, but he's glad for that. He needs to be distracted sometimes.

Loki smiles at him, and Bucky feels warmth bloom in his chest, because it's so nice to be understood. Loki knows that sometimes he'll have dark moods, knows that they can't all be good days, and he doesn't expect anything different from Bucky. He never expects Bucky to be anything but exactly who he is, someone that's been broken over and over again and is just slowly trying to put the pieces back together. He's patient with Bucky, and so kind in a way that might surprise people.

"I'm okay," Bucky assures him again, smiling a little and then leaning in to give Loki a soft kiss, licking a few grains of sugar from the corner of his mouth. "Right now, I'm even a little happy."

He sits back again and takes a sip from his cup, shrugging casually. "Can't imagine why."

From:

thewrongpath

Tongue sweeping out to taste Bucky on his lips, Loki sat back, feigning playful indifference.

"Hm," Loki hummed noncommittally, taking another bite of his pastry and chewing thoughtfully. "Well, these are good, so, perhaps it's that."

He sipped from his rapidly cooling coffee, though the warmth he felt from the simple act of Bucky smiling at him hadn't faded. What a fool he was.

From:

semi_stable

“That must be it,” Bucky says dryly, polishing off the rest of his turnover and wiping his sticky fingers with a napkin. He licks a stubborn bit of flaky pastry from the pad of his thumb and then takes another big gulp off coffee before sliding off of the bed. “Give me a second.”

He leaves the room with Bopp trotting after him, and puts the bag on the counter before preparing Bopp’s breakfast, apologizing to her for it being late as if she could actually understand him. She seems to have forgiven him, so Bucky leaves her to her food and grabs two water bottles from the fridge.

He empties half of one on his way back to the bedroom and hands the other to Loki, setting his own on the nightstand before crawling onto the bed on all fours, straddling one of Loki’s thighs as he leans in to kiss him, soft and slow, just because he can.

From:

thewrongpath

Arching a brow, Loki polished off his pastry and the rest of his coffee after watching Bucky disappear into the hall. From there, he could hear Bopp's nails clicking excitedly on the kitchen floor, Bucky's murmured apology, and the sound of kibble being poured into a bowl.

Smiling softly, Loki settled against the headboard, setting his empty cup aside, his hands magically cleaned of stickiness and the sheets free from errant crumbs. When Bucky returned, Loki chuckled, lifting a hand to his face and meeting the kiss, his eyes fluttering shut.

"Hm, you taste like apples," he observed in a low murmur, smiling against Bucky's lips.

From:

semi_stable

“I assume that’s a good thing,” Bucky replies, chuckling softly and shifting until he’s straddling Loki’s thighs and can sit down in his lap. Being in such a position is still so new, but he finds that he likes it. He spent so much time concerned about things that might make him less manly, but it wasn’t his voice in his head. It was his father, the boys he went to school with, his fellow soldiers.

Even before he was taken captive, he let other people control him for so long, and he’s done with it.

“You should too, then. Let me see,” Bucky says as he lifts his hands to Loki’s cheeks, thumb stroking at the corner of his mouth before he leans in for a kiss. It starts soft and then he deepens it, sliding his tongue along the seam of Loki’s lips until they part and he can lick his way inside, humming when he tastes apples on his tongue, cinnamon and sugar and something uniquely Loki.

“Mm, yep,” he says as he pulls back, making a show of licking his lips. “Delicious.”

From:

thewrongpath

Chuckling softly, Loki settled his hands comfortably at Bucky's hips, enjoying his increasingly familiar weight across his thighs.

"Yes, good choice, bringing those instead of bagels and lox," he said, letting his head fall back against the headboard, his eyes watching the path of Bucky's tongue over his lips.

His hands drifted, one settling at the small of Bucky's back, fingertips drifting beneath the hem of his shirt.

From:

semi_stable

"I brought bagels and schmear," Bucky says with a laugh, because when he chose not to get lox, the thought o what it would do to their breath didn't occur to him. "If I had brought lox into this apartment, Bopp wouldn't let me know peace."

Loki's hands explore him, touching his thighs, his hips, one going under his shirt, and Bucky curls his shoulders forward, bowing and lifting his arms so Loki can take it off of him, pressing a kiss to the top of Loki's shoulder while he waits.

From:

thewrongpath

"She did seem rather interested in the food last night," Loki recalled, eyes bright with amusement as he peeled Bucky's shirt over his head and tossed it carelessly to the floor.

"Hm, I don't think I'll ever tire of this," he murmured, tracing his fingertips down Bucky's chest, grazing a nipple, tracing the curve of his ribs, outlining the divot of his navel.

From:

semi_stable

“She’s just like me. Loves to eat,” Bucky jokes as Loki tugs his shirt off. He sits up and reaches up to drag his hands through his hair, pushing it back from his face as Loki touches him.

It’s a bold declaration, especially from someone with such a long lifespan, and Bucky smiles as Loki touches him, teeth pressing into his bottom lip as his nipple stiffens at the brief touch.

“I don’t think I’ll tire of letting you,” Bucky replies softly, smiling and reaching up to link his fingers behind his neck, muscles in his torso and arms flexing slightly as he casually puts himself on display.

From:

thewrongpath

"Good. I do enjoy getting what I want," Loki said, his smirk deepening as Bucky showed himself off so thoughtfully.

He traced a fingertip over one bicep, then the other; one flesh and one metal, but both wholly Bucky.

"Did you have a nice walk? It wasn't enough to work up a sweat, I see."

From:

semi_stable

“I never would have guessed,” Bucky says with a dry laugh, biting his bottom lip with an amused smirk as he watches Loki’s face while he looks at Bucky. He looks appreciative, and while Bucky knows that he isn’t suffering in the looks department, Loki is staring like he’s something beyond simply handsome.

“It takes a lot for me to work up a sweat,” he admits, and if he happens to lazily rock his hips in Loki’s lap as he says it, it’s just a coincidence. “My walk wasn’t quite vigorous enough.”