ready to comply

[semi_stable]

[cw: descriptions of a panic attack, mentions of PTSD]


Things have been going very well for Bucky as of late, so it's no real surprise when he's suddenly knocked on his ass again. That's how it goes, after all. That's his story. That's how it always goes.

This time, all he's doing is walking down the street. He's smiling, almost even laughing, sipping at an iced coffee. He's talking with a friend, gesturing with his prosthetic hand, ungloved and visible to anyone who looks at him, and anyone who did wouldn't even be able to tell how broken he is.

Because he is broken. He always will be in some way or another. His brain was taken apart and put back together over and over again, scrambled and reformed, and he'll never be healed from that, not completely. Not to mention all the trauma and abuse, decades of it, and he can have a few good months but he'll never be totally free.

This is proven to him as he's walking past some sort of street fair out in front of his building. It's noisy, with people milling about and several different radios tuned to different stations drowning each other out. They suddenly all go quiet, music and talking replaced with an eerie, quiet static.

Longing.

The word makes Bucky go still, face draining of color. It's a low, commanding male voice speaking in Russian, and Bucky feels a little like he might throw up.

Rusted.

It's coming from every radio, even one from a car passing by, windows rolled down to take advantage of the nice day. It's coming from everywhere and Bucky's coffee falls from his hand, plastic cracking as it breaks against the pavement. "No."

Furnace.

"No, no, no, please," Bucky pleads in Russian, reaching up to put his hands over his ears. It's so unexpected to hear his trigger words that he forgets for a moment that he's supposed to have been cured of them, rewired during his time in Wakanda. But then he remembers, and it doesn't help. Whoever is behind this place has proven how powerful they are, and who's to say that they didn't undo that, too?

Daybreak.

It's getting louder now, more forceful, and Bucky lets out a panicked shout as he stumbles backwards, breathing heavily and shaking his head. He's flooded so suddenly with adrenaline, like ice water being dumped over his head, and he can hear his heart beating. Air gets stuck in his chest and he can't breathe, and while he recognizes the signs of a panic attack, he can't seem to make it stop. He's too terrified of what might be about to happen to do anything but panic.

Seventeen.

"No, no, not again," he chokes out, turning to run into the lobby of his building to try and get away from it, only to find that they're playing in there too, pumping tinnily out of a speaker in the corner. He chokes out a sob and sinks to the floor, pushing himself back into a corner and covering his ears. Someone follows after him and Bucky holds out his hand. "Stop! Stay back."

Benign.

There are four more. Only four more words until Bucky finds out of the switch in his brain will be flipped, if he'll climb to his feet and stand at attention. Four more words until this city finds out if the Winter Soldier is ready to comply.





[Help him. Have your pup be the person he was walking with and/or the one who finds him in the lobby. Despite his fears, the trigger words will not do anything because he's still cured, but he's still going through one hell of a PTSD episode.]

Comments

[semi_stable]

Sometimes Bucky has a hard time recognizing that this man is the same one that he read about, the same one he saw clips of in New York, the one with wild eyes and a mad grin. Maybe that’s because he isn’t the same man. Yes, Loki did those things, but he’s changed. He’s better, kinder and gentler, or maybe it’s just Bucky that he’s softened to.

He doesn’t know, and at times it’s all a confusing jumble in his head, but he does know this: Loki treats him better than most people have in his life. He doesn’t make demands of Bucky, doesn’t raise his voice or expect anything. He treats Bucky with tenderness, and after all he’s been through, it’s so easy to gravitate toward that.

No, most of the people he knew probably wouldn’t understand, but they aren’t here. Bucky is, and this is what he wants. Last night could have been terrible. He could have spiraled, gone off the rails or lost all faith himself, but Loki was there to help hold him together.

“Well, if you really have your heart set on it,” Bucky murmurs, looking up at Loki with clear adoration in his gaze. “Far be it from me to stop you.”

[thewrongpath]

Chuckling, Loki shifted back, urging Bucky onto his back and leaning in to steal a deep kiss. He got lost in it for a long moment, and was breathless by the time it broke, a grin breaking out on his face as he shifted down the mattress a bit.

He kissed the flat of Bucky's stomach, his hip, then buried his face in the crease of Bucky's thigh, breathing in the sharp, warm scent of him. In Bucky's bed, tangled in his sheets, they'd begun to smell like each other, and fastidious though he was, Loki would loath to rid himself of it once they parted.

[semi_stable]

Loki kisses him thoroughly and Bucky hums into it, resting his hands on Loki’s hips and opening his mouth so their tongues can touch, sliding together lazily. It ends far too soon and Bucky nearly pulls him back up, but then Loki’s clever mouth is moving down Bucky’s body, so he doesn’t. There will be time for more kissing after.

“When Bopp sniffs crotches, I usually tell her she’s a bad girl,” Bucky teases, grinning as Loki presses his nose between his legs through the soft, thin fabric of his sweats. His cock is more than half-hard now, tenting the dark fabric, and Bucky slides his fingers into Loki’s messy hair, brushing it back from his face.

[thewrongpath]

"Oh, is that what I am? A bad girl?" Loki said, barely stifling his laughter as he hooked his fingers in Bucky's waistband and dragged the elastic down his thighs. Taking him in hand, Loki braced his other against Bucky's hip and closed his lips over the head of his cock.

It was easy enough to go from the tender intimacy of sleep to this, slowly coaxing him to full hardness with his mouth. He would've happily let the other man rigorously fuck his throat to completion, but this early in the morning, now wasn't really the time for it.

[semi_stable]

"No, you're a very good girl," Bucky replies, trying but failing to say it with a straight face. He laughs, marveling at the sound of it. He laughs so much these days, and it's no longer quite so rusty.

Loki wastes no time in pulling Bucky's cock into his mouth and he groans, putting his metal arm over his head as his other hand twists in Loki's hair, letting the silky strands of it slip through his fingers, nails dragging lightly over his scalp. His cock swells against Loki's tongue and he drags in a ragged breath, kicking the tangle of his sweats off of his foot as he spreads his thighs a little wider.

It feels decadent, lounging back while Loki sucks his cock, and Bucky gives into the luxury of it by lifting one leg and draping it over Loki's shoulder.

[thewrongpath]

Chuckling softly, Loki took Bucky's cock as deeply as he could, swallowing around him until his nose buried in the curls at its base. He stayed there for as long as they could both stand it, before pulling back to catch his breath, head bobbing as he sucked at the head, tongue tracing the edge of his foreskin.

At the weight of Bucky's leg over his shoulder, Loki's lips twitched, smiling as best he could around Bucky's length. Gripping his thigh in one hand, Loki tugged gently at Bucky's balls with the other.

There was a flicker of magic, and when he pulled back, his face was softer, his eyes bigger, his lips fuller, having taken on the female guise he'd given Bucky a glimpse of that first night on the beach. "Yes, I suppose I am," Loki teased, his voice somehow still his own, while having taken on a more feminine lilt. His hair, a bit longer, tumbled around his face in soft waves, and Loki stroked him with long-fingered, petite hands, his eyes bright with mischief as he looked up at the other man with a face that would have been both new and undeniably familiar. The way Loki looked at him was a challenge, but also a question: Is this too much?

[semi_stable]

Loki is absurdly good at this, and Bucky isn't sure that he'll ever get used to it. He takes Bucky's cock right down his throat, swallowing around it, and Bucky lets out a low groan and arches his back a little, one hand clutching at the pillow under his head while the other slides through Loki's hair. His eyes are closed while he revels in the sensation, chest heaving as Loki bobs up and down, tugging at his balls in a way that makes him shiver.

Bucky's cock slips from Loki's mouth and when the other man speaks, his voice sounds a little different, so Bucky lifts his head and opens his eyes, only to find a woman staring back at him. It startles him for only half a second before he realizes what's happened, and then he lets out a bewildered groan.

His first thought is that he should reassure Loki that this isn't necessary, that he finds Loki attractive just as he is and he doesn't need to change himself, but he stops himself before saying anything. Loki wouldn't have done this if he didn't want to, and Loki's appearance is fluid, anyway. The man that Bucky is used to seeing, to kissing and fucking, isn't even what he really looks like.

"Fuck," he breathes out instead, pushing himself up onto his elbows to get a better look. Loki is still recognizable in this form, but he looks softer and Bucky reaches out to touch his face, cupping his chin and thumbing at his full bottom lip. "I didn't get to touch you last time you showed me."

[thewrongpath]

"Hmm," Loki agreed, resting a hand on Bucky's shoulder and moving to sit astride his hips, hair spilling across narrower shoulders. It had mostly been for the sake of the joke, but now, the realization that he wanted to feel Bucky's rough hands on his breasts, his hips, his cunt, sent a jolt straight between his thighs.

"Nothing stopping you now."

[semi_stable]

As Loki crawls up his body, Bucky swallows hard, suddenly much more awake than he was a few minutes ago. He puts one hand on the Loki's curvier waist and shifts to sit up, pulling him in closer. Suddenly, he has no idea where to begin, and he touches Loki's long hair, sweeping it away from the palm column of his throat.

Catching his chin again, Bucky pulls him into a hungry kiss, tongue sweeping into his mouth as he keeps his metal hand on Loki's hip. The other cups the side of his neck, drags down his chest to cup of one his shapely breasts, thumbing at the stiff peak of his nipple.

"You're not gonna stop me, huh?" Bucky says against his mouth, grinning playfully as he pinches at Loki's nipple, giving it a sharp tug.

[thewrongpath]

"Why in the world would I?" Loki teased with a sigh, arching close, Bucky's cock sliding along the crease of his thigh through the sweats he still wore.

He gasped, covering Bucky's hand with his own, a sly grin cutting across his newly feminine lips.

"We don't have all the time in the world, remember," he pointed out, thinking of the dog, who was likely glaring at them through the wall at that very moment. To hurry things along, Loki got rid of his sweats with another spell, his grin widening as he curled those slim fingers around Bucky's cock, holding it steady as he rolled his hips, rubbing the lips of his cunt along the length of it.

[semi_stable]

“You are pretty easy when it comes to me,” Bucky teases, groaning in frustration when Loki mentions their limited time. “I gotta get a place with a yard.”

He wonders if that will finally be the thing that makes him get his own place, one that he picked. Bopp deserves a yard, and Bucky deserves to have uninterrupted sex with his— well, with whatever Loki is to him. Right now it seems especially uncertain.

“Jesus,” he gasps out when Loki is suddenly naked, rubbing a pretty pink cunt that Bucky has never seen before up against him. He feels feverish with need, crazed in a way that he only seems to get with two particular people, so he grabs Loki by his slim little waist and puts him down on his back in the center of the bed, leaning over him and sliding his good hand up between Loki’s breasts, curling it loosely around his neck.

“Stop trying to rush me,” he says in a low voice, giving Loki’s neck a gentle squeeze before sliding his hand away, down his chest and soft, flat stomach, over hips and down between his legs, fingertips immediately finding his clit and rubbing at it with tight little circles. He stares down at Loki with an aroused expression that’s also hopelessly fond, and a little bit awed. “Already so wet. You want me that bad?”

[thewrongpath]

Gasping, Loki laughed happily, the sound of it precariously close to a girlish giggle. Drawing his knees up around Bucky's hips, Loki spread his thighs, arching into the delicious friction of Bucky's questing fingers.

"Always," Loki said huskily, eyes sparkling in the warm, morning light. "Honestly, I thought this would be funny, but now I just want you to fuck me. I think I might go a bit mad, if you don't."

[semi_stable]

"Messing with me backfired, huh?" He grins at that sweet little laugh. Like this, Loki is still tall, still leanly muscled, but he's so much smaller like this, tucked beneath Bucky's body. He glances discreetly at the clock on his nightstand and is relieved to find that it's still early and they probably have at least half an hour before Bopp starts getting demanding, given their usual schedule.

"So, I shouldn't tease you?" Bucky smiles warmly, staring down at Loki's face as he gently pinches his clit between two fingers, sliding them up and down slowly as he leans down to mouth at one of his tits, pulling one pert, pink nipple between his lips. He sucks on it leisurely, flicking his tongue across it before letting it fall from his mouth, and then he lightly drags his chin over it, beard scraping across the sensitive skin. "Is that what you're saying?"

[thewrongpath]

"Oh, you monster," Loki breathed, a shiver working down his spine at the rough drag of Bucky's chin over more delicate skin, his hips rocking impatiently against the maddening friction of Bucky's fingers. Bucky was right— he was obscenely wet, which stood to reason, considering the raging erection he'd woken up with.

"I don't think there's any chance I'm not going to enjoy whatever it is you're doing, so no. It didn't backfire," he panted, eyes dark and his mouth going slack, pleasure already beginning to bloom warm and aching between his legs.

"You can't believe how good this feels," he murmured softly, a hand tangled in Bucky's hair. It had been a while since he'd spent any time in this body, and even longer since he'd allowed anyone else to touch it. Still, he didn't recall it feeling quite like this.

[semi_stable]

Loki wriggles against him impatiently, almost petulantly, and Bucky grins and pinches a little harder at his clit, rubbing the pad of his thumb firmly over Loki's clit a few times before suddenly letting go.

"I would have no idea," he says with a chuckle, amused and aroused and deeply in love as he watches Loki buzz like a live wire at his touch.

"Has it been a while?" Bucky asks in a low, steady voice, sliding the pad of his middle finger up and down Loki's slit a few times before pressing it into his cunt. He'd meant it to be a tease, but Loki is exquisitely tight, and Bucky finds it a little harder to tease him.

"Maybe we should go slow. Work you up to it," he jokes with a teasing smirk, because while it's harder, it's not impossible. Bucky stares down at Loki's face, reaching up to catch his feminine chin in his metal hand, coaxing it open so Bucky can see the pink of his tongue, pressing the smooth metal pad of his thumb to his lower lip. "Fuck, look at you."

[thewrongpath]

"Hm, been a bit, yes," Loki admitted, drawing in a slow, steadying breath as Bucky pressed a finger into him.

"No, I don't think so. I can take whatever you've got," he grinned, clenching tight around him, hips tilting in a shamelessly accommodating way. Bucky caught his chin in metal fingers and Loki arched a brow, lips parting, vibranium clinking gently against his teeth.

"Don't go getting too used to it," he teased, sucking the thumb deeper into his mouth.

[semi_stable]

Loki tilts his hips up in a needy, almost obscene sort of way, offering himself, and Bucky slides his finger free so he can rock back onto his haunches and grab Loki under one knee, dragging him up until his ass is on Bucky's thigh, legs spread and cunt on full display.

"You'll take whatever I give you," he replies, and he's still mostly teasing, but also giving in a bit to the wild urge to possess that overcame him the moment that he saw Loki looking like this. He's testing limits, exploring in a way that he's only really felt safe doing with him and Sylvie. Loki will let him know if it's too much.

He covers Loki's cunt with his hand, rocking it up under his clit as he watches Loki's cheeks hollow around his thumb. The black and gold of his arm look good against Loki's pale skin, he must admit, and he stares as he drags that hand down Loki's jaw and over his breast, covering one with his hand and squeezing as he shifts the other to suddenly press two fingers into Loki's slick cunt, crooking them forward and rubbing against the inside of him.

[thewrongpath]

"Don't act like you could ever deny me," Loki grinned, gasping as he was dragged by the knee and deposited in Bucky's lap. Knees spread wide, Loki shivered as his cunt was spread open to the cool air of Bucky's bedroom, groaning around Bucky's metal finger as he rutted against Bucky's rough palm.

At the sudden, deep press of Bucky's fingers, Loki gasped, panting as he reached down to touch himself almost defiantly, feeling his cunt stretched around Bucky's thick fingers, his clit slick and engorged beneath the pad of his index finger.

"I thought I might want your cock more keenly, in this body," he observed, grinning as he shifted until he could feel it press against the back of his thigh. "It's not all that different, really," he said breathlessly, admitting that he would've happily begged the other man to fuck him that morning, regardless of the skin he wore.

This was still him, still them, and despite the fire it seemed to have ignited in Bucky, what Loki was willing to take hadn't changed.

[semi_stable]

The immediate response makes Bucky grin, even though he knows that by this point, it's likely true. He's gone far past the point of no return, he thinks, and he can't really find it in himself to be all that upset about it.

"So you just hide it better in your other body. Good to know." His metal hand curls around Loki's wrist to lift it away from his cunt, holding it aloft and then smoothly using that grip to pull Loki up from the bed until he's up on his knees, straddling Bucky's muscular thigh. Bucky drapes Loki's thin arm around his shoulders and then puts his hand low on Loki's back to brace him. His fingers slide out of Loki's cunt to frame his clit again, pinching lightly and rubbing at it with his thumb as he leans in to give him a hungry kiss, sucking at his tongue.

He thought it might feel different, but it's still undeniably Loki that he's kissing, Loki that he's tasting, Loki's skin soft and warm under his hands. While they kiss, Bucky rubs at his clit with firm, quick little circles, working at it until Loki starts to tense up, and then easing off before he can come, smiling wickedly against Loki's mouth.

"Tell me how keenly you want my cock," he murmurs quietly, almost sweetly, tugging him in close enough for his soft tits to press against Bucky's chest while his arm works between them.

[thewrongpath]

"When have I ever hidden it?" Loki laughed, gasping as he allowed Bucky to haul him to his knees. Arms around Bucky's shoulders, Loki rolled his hips shamelessly in time with the friction against his clit, a shuddering sigh muffled by Bucky's lips and tongue.

He shuddered, feeling his orgasm just out of reach, a low, mournful whine caught in his chest when Bucky eased off.

"Don't be cruel," he complained breathlessly, eyes dark and never leaving Bucky's face.

[semi_stable]

“When have I ever been cruel to you?” Bucky murmurs sweetly, grinning at the noise Loki makes. He doesn’t want to deny him pleasure, only drag it out, make it last longer, more intense. “C’mere.”

His metal arm tightens around Loki’s slim waist, lifting him a little and positioning his cock with his other hand, rubbing the head up and down his slick folds, up over his clit and back down. It’s only after Loki makes another impatient noise that Bucky presses his cock into him and loosens his grip on Loki’s waist, letting gravity take over and groaning as he sinks deep into Loki’s body.

“Fuck, you’re tight,” he gasps against Loki’s mouth, rocking his hips up slowly as he tugs Loki down against him, burying his cock as deeply as he can and lifting his good hand under Loki’s long hair to grip the back of his neck.

[thewrongpath]

"Apart from right now? Never," Loki murmured, grinning in return. Shifting on his knees, Loki settled over Bucky's cock, letting out a shuddering sigh as he sank onto it slowly, his body stretching exquisitely around him.

Seated fully in his lap, Loki nudged his mouth against Bucky's in a kiss. "All for you," he teased, chuckling against the corner of Bucky's mouth. For the moment, he didn't move, instead simply indulging in the feeling of being so very full.

[semi_stable]

Bucky knows that Loki is only teasing him. He knows that he isn’t the only one that Loki is sleeping with, because obviously there is Sylvie, and maybe others as well. He’s okay with that, because he has no desire to control Loki or Sylvie even if such a thing were possible, but he doesn’t really want to know about it.

“All for me?” He asks, and there’s a soft sort of hope in his voice, even though he knows that Loki is teasing him. Sylvie could just as easily shift her form and fuck Loki just like this, and that’d be well within their rights, but Bucky is so desperate for something that’s his.

It feels foolish and he swallows hard, leaning forward to bury his face in Loki’s neck as he holds him tight by the waist, more rocking up against him and grinding than thrusting, relishing in yet another new thing that Loki is giving him.

[thewrongpath]

Loki wouldn't lie to him. It was true that Sylvie had his heart and his body, and he would never pretend otherwise. He cared for them both too much for that. He loved her, in a way that just might have been unique to the two of them– two people who were never meant to meet, let alone fall in love.

But there was a piece of him that belonged solely to Bucky, and no one else. Not even her.

"I love you," he murmured instead, because that was the purest truth he had to offer.

[semi_stable]

“Don’t tease me like that,” Bucky pleads, feeling foolish even as he says it because he’d known it wasn’t real. Loki had meant no harm with it, but it had struck Bucky in a place that he wasn’t expecting, the same part of him that has never really belonged to anyone.

He understands their arrangement, and he has no desire to change it. He loves them both. It’s just that he never expected to share his heart in such a way, and occasionally it throws him through a loop.

“I know you do,” he says desperately, tipping Loki to put him down on his back and leaning over him, planting his metal hand into the bed next to Loki’s head as he starts to roll his hips, fucking into him with slow, deep thrusts and starting down at his face. “I love you.”