for dani

[semi_stable]

He still sleeps on the floor.

It isn't something that he's been able to shake, not since his military days. Real beds are too soft, and he could sleep too soundly there, if he managed to fall asleep at all. No, the floor feels more familiar to him, cold wood and a pillow under his head. Always vigilant, even in sleep.

Even though he knows that Darrow is the safest place that he's been in decades, in that no one is after him. He still can't seem to relax in his bed. Or maybe he just doesn't feel like he deserves the luxury of a soft bed and restful sleep, not after all he's done.

After a few hours of tossing and turning, he gives up and pulls on a pair of black joggers and a dark blue hooded sweatshirt, half unzipped with nothing underneath, because who is going to see him anyway? After putting on his sneakers, he grabs his keys and leaves his apartment, feeling too restless to stay in one spot.

He makes his way to the beach, walking along the line where wet sand gives way to dry and listening to the water slap gently at the shore, rushing as it recedes and does it all over again. The rhythm of it is a little soothing, and Bucky takes a deep breath and looks up at the stars as we walks.

Comments

[feelheld]

The strange, rattling thought that persists in the back of Dani's head is that she didn't know it could be like this. Even thinking it — even having little interest in thinking, though she's never been very good at turning that off — she tries to tell herself that that's ridiculous, but it's there all the same. In the beginning, when things between them were actually good and he seemed genuinely interested in her, Christian still never kissed her like this. And while he wasn't her first, high school boys aren't exactly known for their prowess in that regard. This — even just the way his hands roam, gentle but encouraging, as intimate as the rest of this night has unexpectedly been — is a world away from any of that, and it's an unexpected hookup on the beach on a night she was too shaken to sleep. Normally she shuts down at such times. Strange, how much difference it makes to feel seen and acknowledged.

And whatever happens now, she's a hell of a lot better off than she was when she first wandered out here. Perhaps stupidly, she kind of wants to thank him for that, but she also doesn't want to make herself seem even more ridiculous than she probably has already. His question cuts her off, anyway, something fluttering in the pit of her stomach as his lips graze her jaw, her head instinctively falling ever so slightly to the side in turn.

"Yeah," Dani replies, the word a warm rush of air between them, mercifully not sounding as surprised as she feels. It isn't as if she thought she wouldn't enjoy it, or that he wouldn't be good at this. It isn't even as if she's disliked doing things like this before. It's just also never really done all that much for her. Like so much else, she assumed that was something to do with her, but now she's not so certain. The tiniest bit more sure of herself, and an equal amount bolder, she rests her palms against his chest, quietly savoring how it feels just to be close to someone. "You?"

[semi_stable]

Her response sounds a little dreamy, and that makes Bucky feel good because he may be a little rusty, but he can still do this. He can still want this, even after everything, and it’s relieving to know that he isn’t broken. There are still parts of the old Bucky left, and he wants to nurture them.

“I’m good,” he assures her, breathing deeply and letting out a hum of approval as her chilled fingers rest against his bare skin, gentle and delicate. The exact opposite of violence. He wants her to touch him like that everywhere. “Very good.”

Her head tips and Bucky takes it as an invitation to kiss her neck again, lips brushing over her pulse and feeling it flutter. He lets his bottom teeth graze over the spot without applying any pressure, and then touches the same spot with his tongue before moving down to kiss at the juncture of her neck and shoulder before starting to make his way back up.

Bucky places his prosthetic hand low on her back, just at the base of her spine, and drags her the slightest bit closer as his other hand dips under her shirt, fingertips gliding up the center of her back and down again. He watches her face to make sure she still looks comfortable, and then leans in to kiss her on the mouth again. It’s more confident this time, and he moves his metal hand to cradle the back of her head as he deepens it, parting her lips with his tongue with a little more pressure now that she’s allowed him to.

His other hand stays under her shirt, gliding up over her ribs and down her side, and while he wants to feel the weight of her breast in his palm, the closest he strays is dragging a steady hand halfway up her side and letting his thumb rest just below the swell of it before sliding it down to her waist again because he doesn’t want to take from anyone, but least of all her.

[feelheld]

Somewhere in the back of her head, Dani still can't help wondering what the hell she's doing. She's never done this sort of thing before, hooking up entirely impulsively with someone she barely knows. At least he's not a total stranger, but even if he were, she isn't actually sure she would care right now. It feels good to think she might be wanted — for his interest to be apparent but without any sign of pressure. His hand wanders, but he doesn't push ahead, which is probably good when she doesn't know what ahead actually looks like. They're on the beach in the middle of a chilly night, after all, which has the potential to complicate things, or would if they decided to do more than this.

Right now, this is enough. Leaning into the kiss, she's a bit too preoccupied to say anything, but she can give him another indication that she's alright with where this is going, wordlessly answering the likewise unspoken question in his touch. With one hand, she reaches under the bunched fabric of her t-shirt, finding the warm hand he's rested against her side and gently guiding it higher. Even this much feels sort of startlingly public, but it's late, and it's quiet, and it isn't as if they aren't both still fully covered, though she sort of regrets now having put on a bra before she left her apartment.

Easy as it would be to start questioning where this is going, wondering if she's crazy for even considering that he might be interested in more, weighing what that would mean for her, she tries instead just to focus on him and where they are now. Anything else can wait.

[semi_stable]

At a certain point, it becomes harder for Bucky to think about anything other than how good it feels to kiss her, and how soft and warm her skin is under his hand. She's solid and real and it's easy to lose himself to the comfort that she's providing in the moment. They're two consenting adults, and the rest he can worry about later.

When Dani urges his hand higher, Bucky kisses her again, licking into her mouth as cups her breast, feeling the weight of it through the lace. As the kiss deepens, he gives it a gentle squeeze and then finds her nipple with his thumb, circling it slowly and feeling it tighten against the pressure.

The way that she reacts to things is a pleasure all its own, and Bucky knows that he's hard in his jeans, and he knows that she must feel it, too. He won't acknowledge it if she doesn't, he decides, and that's easy enough. He's more focused on the way she responds as he curls his fingers around the lacy edge of her bra and lightly pinches her nipple between the tips of two fingers.

These hands can still do good things, and he wants to use them to do just that.