good old-fashioned lover boy

[semi_stable]

The last thing that Bucky remembers with any clarity is the harsh burn of cheap whiskey in his throat as Steve walked away from him after another failed double date. Trying to set Steve up with girls made him feel a bit like Sisyphus pushing a boulder up a mountain, like he's a little insane, trying the same thing over and over again and hoping for different results.

He'd tried again, and really thought he had something this time. Brenda was a small bookish girl, with glasses and a bouncy red ponytail, and her friend Claire was known for being, well-- money spent buying her drinks wasn't going to go to waste, from what he's heard. Bucky had charmed them both into coming to the dance hall and then drug Steve along with a strong arm around his shoulders, like he had so many times before, but it didn't matter.

Steve's lack of confidence when it came to women was all too apparent, especially to the girls that Bucky tried to set him up with, and he always threw in the towel before anything could ever happen. For some reason, Bucky kept trying. He was Sisyphus and Steve's virginity was that fucking boulder.

Bucky would take it himself, except that wasn't an option. It wouldn't ever be an option, despite what his traitorous imagination got up to.

So, Steve left and Bucky drank. He danced with Brenda and with Claire, then drank some more. And then more, because he's twenty years old and what was left of his meager paycheck wass burning a hole in his pocket, and he doesn't have any damn sense yet.


That led to the present moment-- Bucky waking up in a very comfortable bed with a dull ache in his head and a mouth full of cotton. He groans and rolls away from the sunlight filtering in through the curtains, curling up under the covers to ward off the chill. He stays like that for a few moments until his eyes pop open and he pushes himself up onto his elbow, scanning the unfamiliar bedroom. It looks like something out of picture show, all plush velvet and gold accents, and Bucky frowns. As far as he knew, Brenda and Claire were working class like him. He'd picked them up at a brownstone just down the street, as modest and plain as his own home.

The bedding is plush and soft, and Bucky lifts the duvet to confirm that he at least has underwear on. It wouldn't be the first time that he's woken up somewhere strange after a rough night, but never somewhere like this. A glance next to him tells him that he didn't sleep in the bed alone, given the rumpled bedding and the dented pillow. He reaches out to put his hand on the sheets, finding them still warm, and then lifts his head when he hears approaching footsteps.

Morning afters are always kind of awkward and Bucky sighs, reaching up to scrub his hands over his face.

"Here we go."

Comments

[semi_stable]

Loki’s hand covers his and lingers there. Bucky stares down at it and resists the urge to jerk it away, or look around to check for prying eyes. He’s safe here, so he can just—

He trips over his own train of thought when he realizes it. He’s safe here. Yeah, all of this is crazy, and he’s terrified enough that his heart is beating in his chest, but part of him is safe here. For the first time in his life, Bucky can be wholly himself around someone.

“Is it okay if I ask you questions?” He says after a moment, breathing out shakily as he twists his hand so that Loki’s fingers are resting against his palm, and then curls his own fingers over them. Maybe it’s easier to focus on this than anything else. As enormous as it feels, acknowledging this part of him, it’s somehow the least of his current worries.

“I’ve never—“ He chuckles and then blushes fiercely, tilting his chin down as he looks at Loki’s face. “Christ, you probably know everything about me, huh? It’s not like I’ve got a ton of stories to tell.”

He takes Loki’s hand in both of his, thumbing at his knuckles and looking curiously at his fingernails. They’re immaculate and shining, and one corner of Bucky’s mouth twitches upward in amusement.

[thewrongpath]

"As I've said, I knew you quite a few years from now. You've got your own stories," Loki assured him, though he decided to remain vague— for now.

"You can ask me whatever you'd like," he said, smiling fondly at the way Bucky studied his hands. He curled his long fingers over Bucky's left palm, which he'd never held before, and fought the urge to bring it to his lips.

[semi_stable]

“Right,” Bucky breathes out, trying to imagine the man he is years from now. He assumes that he’s around Loki’s age, and he’s been living a life so different than what he imagined. He’s not settled down with a wife and kids and some stable factory job. He’s with a man in some strange city outside of time and space.

It’s kind of exciting, really. Or maybe he thinks that because it’s better than spiraling about it. It’s temporary, if Loki is to be believed, and Bucky thinks that he is. He gets a small number of days to explore this place, so he should make the most of it, right?

“You can touch me, you know,” Bucky says, ducking his head in a way that could only be described as shy. He’s confident with women, and even with men, but this is different. Loki is different, and Bucky finds himself fascinated. The way that Loki looks at him is bewildering, and more than a little intoxicating. No one has ever looked at him like that before.

“I mean, I already woke up thinkin’ we’d had sex, and I wasn’t disappointed when I saw you,” he says almost jovially, chuckling a little and giving Loki’s hand a squeeze. “You’re not gonna spook me, I don’t think.”

[thewrongpath]

"As much as I appreciate knowing I've passed muster, my darling, you'll need to set the pace for any touching," Loki said, smiling warmly. "As you've said, I know a great deal more about you than you know about me, and I won't put you into a position where you're not fully aware of what you're getting into."

Squeezing Bucky's hand in return, he said, "So, ask me. Whatever you'd like. I'll answer."

[semi_stable]

“Oh,” Bucky breathes out, flushing more deeply and feeling a bit of a shiver. Apparently he really likes being called darling. Or maybe it’s just Loki’s low, silky voice. “So you’re a gentleman, then. Good to know.”

Loki looks up at him expectantly and Bucky stares back at him like he’s in grade school all over again. He keeps on staring while Loki waifs patiently, and then Bucky can’t help but to laugh.

“I can’t remember what I was going to ask,” he admits, looking at Loki speculatively for a moment before moving between Loki’s legs to sit on his thigh, mostly just to see how it would feel. It’s a very unfamiliar and a little odd, but Bucky reminds himself that no one can see them. Plus, Loki smells very nice.

“Did we meet here then?” He asks eventually, keeping his hands in his own lap as he looks over at Loki’s face. He kind of really wants to kiss him, since they’ve apparently done a lot more than that, but he manages to reign himself in. Well, aside from the lap sitting. “I just— I never imagined this. I thought I would hide it forever— me being into men. But now you’re here and this is all fucking insane but it doesn’t feel wrong. You don’t feel like a stranger and that’s gotta mean something. I just don’t get how I—“

He swallows hard and finally realizes what he really wants to ask. “Did I get over Steve, then? I must have, right? To be here with you. And I know he was never gonna— I mean, I’ve always known that.”

[thewrongpath]

Loki arched a brow, resting a hand against the small of Bucky's back. "Oh, I'm not that," he said, with just a hint of a wicked smile. Not a gentleman, but he knew Bucky, and he knew what it would mean to ever take advantage of him, body or mind.

"We did. We... knew of one another, before, but only by reputation. Rogers and I have never gotten along," he admitted, one corner of his mouth twitching.

"I'm not sure you ever get over a first love. Not entirely. You're working on it, I suppose," Loki said, his smile softening. "He isn't here, by the way."

[semi_stable]

“That’s good, too,” Bucky replies, eyes darkening a bit as he stares at Loki’s smile. He can’t be blamed for that, he supposes. He’s only twenty, after all. Even in the wildest of situations, he’s still gonna think with his dick at least a little.

“You knew him,” Bucky says in surprise, then smiles wryly, nodding a little. “Yeah, I didn’t think he was. Figured if him or any family was here, you would have offered to call him when you were tryin’ to talk to me down.”

He takes a breath against a wave of sadness and exhales slowly through his nose. He’s never been away from any of them before, and he reminds himself again that this is only temporary. He’ll see them again.

“First love,” he repeats, shaking his head with a surprised smile. Slowly, he reaches up with his left hand to gently touch his fingertips to Loki’s jaw. He’s trembling a little, but he supposes that’s understandable. “What’s our story, then? Give me the highlight reel.”

[thewrongpath]

"What would you call it?" Loki asked, his hand rubbing mindless circles against Bucky's spine. Complicated as it was, first love was as simple and true as one could categorize Bucky's relationship with Steve Rogers. They were brothers, friends, but beneath it all, there was heartbreak.

Chuckling softly, Loki said, "Well... We were rivals, I suppose. We spent a great deal of time goading one another, when we first met. But our curiosity won out, eventually, and we became friends, somewhere along the way." It was a rather mundane story, when you stripped away the details. "Our attraction was mutual, but you were hesitant to start anything more. Not in small part because of Sylvie."

[semi_stable]

"No, no. It's just-- first and not only," Bucky says, putting more emphasis on the word. "It implies that there were others. I kinda thought I'd be stuck there forever and it's-- nice, I guess, knowing I wasn't."

Loki's hand is firm against his bare back and Bucky thinks again about how strange this all is, sitting on this older man's lap and learning about his own life. He smiles and laughs as Loki talks about them being rivals and picking on each other.

"Pulling pigtails," he says with a smirk, but then Loki mentions someone else and Bucky furrows his brow. The way Loki says the name, Sylvie, makes Bucky feel almost guilty because it sounds important, like he should know it, but he doesn't. "Sylvie? Was she a girlfriend? Please tell me I didn't turn into some no good cheat."

[thewrongpath]

Loki laughed brightly, relaxing in his seat and letting his head tip against the high back of his chair. "One doesn't cheat on Sylvie. She is a girlfriend. Yours as well. In fact, her room's right down the corridor," he said, gesturing vaguely.

"Your love life is even more progressive than you realized."

[semi_stable]

In a morning full of shocking information, for some reason this nearly tops the list. Bucky blinks a few times and turns to look at the bedroom door, mouth agape. He still can't even really fathom being in an actual relationship with a man, and now he's being told that he's actually in one with a man and a woman. It's something he's thought about, but that's a secret between him and his right hand. Bucky slides off of Loki's lap and gets up to pace, sweatpants hanging obscenely low on his trim waist. He has to tighten the drawstrings and then tugs on them somewhat aimlessly, looking between Loki and the door again a few times.

"Really?" He finally asks, and then chuffs a little, head shaking as he drags his left hand through his hair. He'd be lying if he said a small part of him wasn't impressed with his future self. He wants to meet this woman, see her for himself, but there's so much happening that he feels a little rooted to the spot, and he turns to give Loki a look that's a little desperate and guilty, but most of all just very young.

"Is she here?" Bucky asks, swallowing hard and then biting his bottom lip. "Can I-- is it bad if I don't want to meet her just yet? I just-- this is all a lot, and the thought of leaving this room right now is sort of sending me into a panic, if I'm bein' honest."

[thewrongpath]

"She's gone out," Loki said, his smile softening. "We'll ease you in, don't worry."

Reaching into the pocket of his robe, Loki produced his phone, and with a few swipes, he produced a photo of the three of them together on the beach. Clothed. As he'd said, he didn't want to overwhelm the boy.

"Here," Loki said, holding the screen towards him. "See for yourself."

[semi_stable]

Bucky nods, brows furrowing as he looks at the door again. Of course he's curious, but relieved that he has some to process this new information. He's already been confronted with one person that he's apparently in love with. He doesn't think that he could handle a second.

"What the hell is that thing?" He asks as Loki pulls something out of his pocket. It's small and shiny, slimmer than a deck of cards, and the picture changes like a tiny movie screen. It's unlike anything he's ever seen and Bucky eagerly moves closer to get a better look, eyes wide. Distracted as he was by the object itself, he somehow wasn't expecting to see his own face looking back at him. Bucky blinks and reaches out to take the thing in his hands, blinking in surprise.

It's unmistakably him, but older. It somehow makes all of this feel so much more real and Bucky swallows hard, fingers shaking as he brings the screen closer to his face. The version of himself staring back at him has a beard and lines around his eyes, but he's smiling. It's a real smile, not put upon or forced, and that makes him feel better somehow.

There's Loki looking as he does now, and on his other side is an attractive blonde with her head on his shoulder. The dog is laying in the sand in front of them, tongue lolling out, and Bucky stares at it for a long moment, eyes darting around all the small details. They look comfortable with each other. They look like family.

"We look happy here," he says in a shaking voice, clearing his throat and looking up at Loki's face.

[thewrongpath]

"It's a phone, if you can believe it. Among other things," Loki said, leaning back in his seat once again to watch Bucky witness that little bit of proof. It was uncanny, seeing the realization dawning, the awe, even a bit of fear. It was no longer abstract. This, in a small way, made Loki's story real.

"We are happy here," Loki confirmed, reaching out to sweep his finger blindly across the screen, though with a bit of magic, he made sure to reveal a particular photo: Sylvie had taken it the previous Christmas. In it, Bucky and Loki were entangled under a blanket, Bucky's small Christmas tree visible in the background. Bucky looked at the camera, while Loki had turned to look at him, his smile soft and hopelessly fond.

[semi_stable]

"You're kiddin' me," Bucky says with a laugh, tilting the little device back and forth until Loki changes the photo again. Something about it makes his heart clench and his expression softens as he takes the phone in both hands to get a better look. Almost distractedly, he sits on Loki's thigh again. It's Sylvie behind the camera, he assumes, mostly because he can tell that he's looking at someone just above the lens, eyes crinkled at the corners and smile fond.

And Loki-- well. He's looking at Bucky like he's just hung the moon, like he's absolutely gone for him, and Bucky's cheeks flush with warmth. Happy and in love, somewhere that isn't Brooklyn and with someone who isn't Steve. He never thought that could happen.

When Bucky looks up from the phone, Loki is looking at him almost just like he is in the photo, and he gives into the sudden urge to lean in and press their mouths together before he can talk himself out of doing so. It's the only way he can express everything he's feeling, he thinks.

[thewrongpath]

Loki froze. While he wasn't all that surprised by the kiss, judging by the slowly growing warmth on Bucky's face, he was uncertain how he ought to proceed. He was so young— barely older than a boy, and while certainly not inexperienced, Loki felt himself at an unfair advantage.

Once, he wouldn't have cared. Now, he very much did.

A hand at the small of Bucky's back, Loki lifted the other to cradle Bucky's jaw, gently tipping their mouths together more comfortably. The kiss was sweet, lingering and affectionate, and Loki found himself nearly breathless with the desire to pull this young man close. To look after him. To protect him from anyone, and anything, that might try and harm him.

[semi_stable]

It's an awkward sort of kiss at first, and when Loki tenses up he's worried that he's made a mistake. He nearly pulls away but then Loki's hand is soft against his face. Bucky starts a little, unused to such a touch, and then sinks into it readily.

He's kissed men before, but never like this. It was always rough and, now that he's thinking about it, sort of self-loathing. This is something entirely different and Bucky makes a soft, quiet noise when Loki slots their mouths more firmly together. It makes him feel all warm and fluttery, like when Steve would smile at him except so, so much stronger.

Eventually he breaks the kiss, cheeks flushed pink as he pulls back to look at Loki almost shyly, left hand resting against the man's chest. "I-- uh, wow." He chuckles at himself and then wrinkles his nose in slight embarrassment, feeling a little like a girl at the end of a really good date. "Glad I did, though."

[thewrongpath]

The expression on the younger man's face was so unlike the Bucky he knew, Loki's smile was a bit more melancholy than he'd intended as he lifted a hand to Bucky's face, thumb brushing gently over the flushed apple of his cheek.

"Good," Loki said, eyes creased at the corners, "I certainly wouldn't want you to regret it."

[semi_stable]

The look on Loki’s face is a little sad and for a moment Bucky is worried that he’s done something wrong, but then that gentle touch is back. He relaxes a little and studies Loki’s face curiously, perking up a little when his expression brightens. It’s not hard to think that Loki might be a little sad. He isn’t the Bucky that Loki knows, really. He must have changed in all those years, and he’d like to imagine that he’s matured a little. But not too much.

“Am I still fun?” He asks after a moment, reaching down to pick up the slack tie of Loki’s robe, rubbing the silky material between his calloused fingertips. He’s quickly distracted from his question, pausing instead to twist and look around the room, really taking it in. “This if the nicest bedroom I’ve ever slept in. You said Sylvie has a room here.”

He turns to look at Loki again, eyes bright. “Do I have one, too?”

[thewrongpath]

"You're a bit more guarded, but yes. You are," Loki said, smiling warmly. He saw no reason to tell this young man of all the trauma he had before him. At least not yet. Loki, more than anyone, knew the futility of trying to change the man he knew's fate, but he might be able to give this version of him a chance.

"The space upstairs is yours, but when you're here, you've always slept with one of us."

[semi_stable]

The casual admission makes Bucky's cheeks flush and he clears his throat, glancing away from Loki for a moment. It should feel preposterous, what Loki is telling him, but Bucky believes him. He thinks that he's always been a little good at reading people, and Loki isn't lying. If he is, he's the best damn liar in the world, and maybe a part of him doesn't want to believe that Loki could be lying because the way he looks at Bucky makes him feel so damn important and he doesn't want it to be fake.

"Wow," he says with a chuckle, biting his lip a little before meeting Loki's eyes again. He really wants to kiss him again, but suddenly feels shy. Loki is being gracious to him, but he's not the Bucky that Loki is used to. "Are you still attracted to me like this? I mean-- it's okay if you're not. I'd rather just know now so I don't embarrass myself."

[thewrongpath]

"It's not a question of whether or not I'm attracted to you, darling. I want you to be fully aware of what you're getting into. You deserve that," Loki said, lifting a hand to Bucky's face.

"I don't want to frighten you."

[semi_stable]

"I hate to break it to ya," Bucky says with a rough sort of chuckle. "But I'm already pretty frightened."

It's a big admission, and not one he would usually make to a stranger, but Loki doesn't feel like a stranger. When he puts his big hand on Bucky's face, his breath catches slightly. It's probably stupid to feel aroused at a time like this, but he's young. He feels aroused most of the time anyway, and maybe it's just easier to stare at Loki than to think about the situation he's in. Maybe it's just intoxicating having a man's attention on him like this. It's so unlike anything he's used to.

"Are you trying to say that I should be scared of you?" Bucky asks in a quiet voice, keeping his eyes on Loki's face as he turns his head slightly so Loki's fingertips brush across his full lips, making him shiver. This is crazy. All of this is so crazy, but that doesn't stop Bucky from taking the tip of Loki's middle finger into his mouth, eyes widening as if surprised by himself.

[thewrongpath]

"I'm saying that you might be. At the very least, you're going to be confused," Loki admitted, breath stuttering as the younger man parted his lips, drawing Loki's finger into his warm mouth.

"The world is very different from what you knew," he said, not for the first time. "And I'm not, technically, human."

[semi_stable]

“Oh, I’m plenty confused,” Bucky replies with a wry smile, eyebrows quirking a bit when Loki’s breath hitches. He tried not to daydream about men. He tried not to think about his attraction at all, because it usually would veer toward thoughts of Steve and then his shame would be two-fold. Usually, he would just take care of such urges when a relatively safe opportunity presented itself, and it was never anything like this.

Sitting on an older man’s lap, suckling at his fingers while being looked at like he’s something precious is never something he could have imagined, but damned if he doesn’t enjoy it.

But then, just as he’s trying to muster up the courage to lean in for another kiss, Loki says something that throws him. Bucky’s mouth falls open and he drops Loki’s hand, barely registering the loss of pressure against his lips. He scoffs out a laugh as if Loki might be kidding, but Loki’s face remains as sincere as it has this whole time and Bucky’s heart leaps up into his throat, thrashing wildly.

“What do you mean?” He asks in a low, cautious voice, reaching out to press his palm against Loki’s chest, feeling his heart beat against it. “You look pretty human to me.”